A picture taken not too long ago ..Deceptive?
Shweta Tiwari a popular actress of television soaps seems to be in doldrums of the domestic kind. As reported by leading national T.V. channels and the media, Shweta Tiwari has been going through incidents of physical abuse at the hands of her husband Raja Chowdhry.
While the incidence of violence fails to evince any element of surprise, yet, that it is prevalent in obviously well adjusted couples, or as portrayed, does leave one questioning its ubiquitousness. This pair had been a favourite in the recently concluded ‘Nach Baliye’ a dance competition involving celebrities and all appeared hunky-dory. I guess ‘appeared’ is the operative word here…goes to vindicate the oft repeated phrase ‘ Appearances are often deceptive’.
I must confess, I am not an avid watcher of television serials. I had no idea as to the extent of her popularity except, when on hunting for her snaps, found sites devoted to her aplenty and also some hearsay. Especially when a friend called up hysterical , mumbling about ‘Prerna filing a police complaint against her husband’! And I went ‘ Who is Prerna?’ She fumed at my ignorance then resignedly gave up and filled me in on the details. Apparently ‘ Prerna’ is the moniker she goes by in her serial ‘ Kasauti Zindagi Ki”, a must watch for most households in India and thus ‘Prerna’ she is for our ‘sob crazy soap fans’!!
I had been contemplating on writing a post on D.V. (domestic violence) for some time now. The thought itself was highly disturbing so kept delaying it, mentally citing one excuse or another. I guess , if we believe that we are plain doers, while the strings are held by the Supreme Puppeteer, then this was the catalyst that one was awaiting.
Talking of Puppeteers, while one can with deference confer the Almighty with the said tag, what seems obvious that the men in our lives somehow have anointed themselves with the rights and privileges of one as well. They pull at strings, lift and drop, caress and abuse, swing around in a merry dance of violence, at will.
One wishes somebody would tap them on the shoulder, lightly, reminding them that they are as much puppets- on- a- string as us women, where fate, destiny and sheer level of being is concerned.
Adopting an impartial stance, lets admit that generalisations are odious. Most men attempt to keep a semblance of propriety these days. Lets not get into the causes. .that is material for another post. However, few swallows dont a summer make! The case of dark goings on in the hidden precincts of the bedroom are getting to be almost a ‘ghar ghar Ki kahani’ ( story of every household- another popular T.V. serial).
Is Wedlock A Padlock?
Is it this sense of having got the woman ‘all for himself’, imprisoned in the bonds of marriage therefore morph the husband from Jekyll to Hyde? Does she then for him degenerate into a pin cushion for venting his frustrations that arise out of inadequacies on the career/ personal/sexual/front? Most importantly is he incapable of assimilating the success of his wife, therefore in turn explodes on her with violence , abuse both physical and emotional as if to break her spirit and calm his envious one in retributive measure? The answers seem affirmative on all counts.
Shweta Tiwaris case is like a text book reference point of a man whose ‘Abhimaan’ (ego) has taken a severe beating since his career has taken one as well. .. much like the brilliant film by the same name starring Big B in the role of a lifetime. Raja Chowdhry’s too (rumored to be unemployed?) is simply a case of immature emotional quotient, a surge of basic traits which have de-humanised the man, overwhelming him to the extent that the boundaries between right and wrong have blurred his better sense. He is angry and he wishes to express that to his wife and on his wife at the crudest possible level ( On television, dressed in a vest, mouthing profanities at the Press, behaving delinquently, presented quite an insight to the dismal mental state of Raja) A component from mans pre-historic times, therefore impossible to forego.
Such marriages, where the relationship has lost its moorings, need counselling.. definitely not the police stations and media! !That Shweta has suffered, for the past many years and has tried to keep the sordid details confined to the stillness of her mind is clear. In such conditions a breaking down, especially when Raja threatened to take away the daughter, the sole reason why she might have kept the marriage going, must have been the final straw that broke the camels back.
But what a sorry fiasco the media has turned it into.. a circus where in place of animals there is a couple floundering to keep their life afloat in tempestuous times, a family going to pieces, a daughter marked for life by her peers, fed to the audience and moolah raked in!! Tragic..tragic.
Shweta as most women should , ought to have in a clear headed, practical, dispassionate assessment decided on a fitting course of action.. Filing a police complaint amounted to zilch and instead brought the circumstances into the drawing rooms of families, busy with their evening meal and looking on, impervious to her plight or future. What did she gain? Was there nobody in both families who could have played mediator and made the husband see sense? This is often the bane of nuclear set ups today. Elders have moved out, as has wisdom!!
It would be ideal if the two decide to patch their differences. Bearing the humiliation of public scrutiny will perhaps take its toll. But in the event that maturity takes on the reins and a sense of restraint and calm prevails on both sides, who knows.. the family might get to be one again.
Is marriage under siege? Is it really so difficult for two people to carve a harmonious life together? Where have we gone wrong? How do we set it right?
The point is just as we have to learn how to make love we ought to learn how to battle in marriage. It should bring forth a positive outcome. Marriage is our last chance to grow up!
In todays troubled times, where transition is apparent in the equational balance between man and woman, it is paramount the couples who decide to take the plunge into marriage, take help and guidance as to the measures to be adopted in creating harmony and peace. There is not enough attention being given to pre-marital guidance, which is the crux of the breaking down in communication so prevalent today. It seems a miracle today if two people continue to stay together.. Inform the Vatican?
Keeping a marriage and its vows alive is a lifetime exercise. There are no magic pills and remedies save inculcation of words like patience, tolerance, sharing, egolessness, harmony and most of all Love...even if it involves falling in Love with the same man/woman over and over again!!
We have to decisively live these words.. or witness the death of the institution.
I first learned the concepts of non-violence in my marriage…Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi
Update 2nd July’07: Errant husband Raja Chowdhary getting more frustrated as the days progress and Shweta stoically refuses to bow to pressures from him. Perhaps he pushed his luck too far this time. She is bent on being reclusive while he is bent on proving his immaturity in dealing with the problem over and over again.
Update 22nd June’07 : Raja Chowdhry lamenting over a broken home, now puts the blame on all n sundry, including Balaji crew for supporting Shweta, as also grieving over the fact that she is Shweta Tiwari and Not Shweta Chowdhry..rather late in the day no? This article is a must read.. goes on to give a peek into his manner of thinking and into what we were discussing a few days earlier, the extent to which we were right in averring that a man with a more successful wife = disgruntled hubby and eventually trouble.
Update 20th June ’07 : sigh.. The inevitable has happened Shweta Tiwari is contemplating divorce. Advised by family and friends, Shweta is now probably facing the crisis of her life. Does she forgive and forget in the hope and promise of a better and more stable future or does she forget the past and move on, this time with a daughter and memories! Why is life such a demanding journey? Why cannot people love and accept each other just as how it ought to be? Why cannot a couple treasure and nurture each other, revel in each others success and share the burdens of life with a calm? Is it really so difficult to include one soul in your life giving unconditionally and receiving peace in return?
Is it Utopian to imagine a Universe ‘jahaan gham bhi na ho, aansoo bhi na ho, bas pyaar hi pyaar palle’?
Update 18th August 2008: Raja Chaudhary part of BIG BOSS 2
Update 10th Jan 2011: Shweta Tiwari WINS BIGG BOSS 4 !! Nemesis strikes and how!!
The first ever female contestant to winn Bigg Boss!! She finally hit the jackpot, evidently ending any financial turmoil she might have had to face as a consequence of her impending divorce. The ways of the Almighty are strange and just. A lesson to all never to give up on HIM and yourself. Who knows what looms large in your destiny, at the turn of the next corner. In all fairnness, she did conduct herself with restraint and poise in comparative terms to the other contestants. Although I personally feel Sameer Soni and Ashmit came across as more or less likable as well.
But if the voting pattern is all there is to it and it is credible then well she seems to have mass appeal.!!
Good luck to her and her future karma. Hope she lives life in gratitude and with compassion.