Sachiniti

March 25, 2008

The Rinku Sachdeva I knew (Updated – Mumbai Mirror Responds)

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Rinku Sachdeva

Kaveetaa Kaul

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Update 4th August 2008Gayatri Jayaraman on behalf of People magazine for their newly launched Indian edition contacted me to meet Harish and Binu Sachdev. After some persuasion they agreed to meet up. Gayatri has since resigned from People  but Sonal Nerurkar  carried the story on Rinku with inputs from the family. Rinku-Sachdev story in PEOPLE..A must read.

Update 6th April 2008: Rinkus father Mr. Harish Sachdeva puts forward his feelings and viewpoints in the comments section.. A must read.

Update 3rd April 2008 : If getting to the unadulterated truth is your concern then please read comment 78 where Ankush Mahindra, Rinkus brother-in-law has spoken out in as veracious and candid a manner as possible.

Update 30th March 2008: Post the publishing of this write up on ‘Sachiniti’, Bapu Deedwania a senior correspondent of Mumbai Mirror got in touch with me ( see comments 13-16) . I was only too keen to set the ball rolling for her to meet the Sachdevas .. their trauma needed to be put forth as well. Todays Mumbai Mirror presents their version of the situation, exactly as Bapu had promised me, without any effort to sensationalise..purely verbatim.Responsible journalism can be such a boon. Thank you Bapu. See bottom of post for details.

Update 28th March 2008 : As predicted here,investigating police officials have found no evidence of any ‘alleged affair’ Rinku Sachdev was ‘reportedly’ accused of . For those of us who knew her, it is not important, since we weren’t assailed with doubts in any case. However, defiling of her good name, issues about circumventing facts, would ultimately tell on her near and dear ones, family and friends which would be grossly unfair. Hence this attempt to showcase the truth.See bottom of post for details.

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How does one grieve over the shocking death of Rinku Sachdeva a 28 year old who you knew as a teenager, whose parents were a couple you looked forward to meeting if only to hear their laughter and imbibe their joie de vivre? How does one replace that happy family with an image of what the TV channels air? Just how does one console the parents? Are there words which can express that ‘I understand your pain I am with you’? And more importantly would such sentiments matter any more? Would they ever be able to recover not just from the loss but more from the sordid insinuations made in the media some blatant some implied but equally defaming?

For the world this is another bit of news..death of a wife Rinku Sachdev at the hands of her techie husband Amit Budhiraja in Bangalore,but for some like us, its a numbing tragedy. Rinku, as I remember her was a spirited girl, extremely lively, forthright and a woman of today, in complete control of herself and her actions. She loved to hold center stage and was the vortex around who the swirl of a party moved. We had been out of touch with the Sachdevas since quite a few years therefore one failed to immediately recognise the close up of the ‘smiling girl’ with happiness writ large, carefree and smiling with the Rinku of years ago. But calls came in and the shock that transpired is not easily depictable.

Our first thought was for the parents. Her father Harish Sachdeva is such an affable gentleman, who needed no excuse to burst out in a loud guffaw, with his petite sweet wife joining in as if on cue. They exuded an energy which was contagious and their two daughters were the focus and joy of their life. Since we were a group of friends that went out regularly on picnics, dinners, etc. seem them at close range makes the tragedy a million fold painful.

I find myself unable to comment on the circumstances that led to this event. How can one say and vouch for anything now that Rinku is no longer there to fill in details of her version? Why cannot we just leave the grieving family alone instead of casting aspersions and igniting gossip fuel? Just how uncaring are we? How insensitive? I maybe writing subjectively on this post as compared with others on Sachiniti..but how would anyone react over the gruesome death of a girl you knew as barely out of her teens?

I cannot imagine the anguish her sister Saloni and parents must be going through each time the media splashes further news of her death and the circumstances leading to it. I believe it was Saturday evening between 6-7. I immediately recalled we were returning from Shirdi, since we do not play holi..if only one knew of her predicament..if only..

If only counseling was made an option by the husband. If only love was the ruling factor. If only giving and not taking was a mantra we adopted unanimously. If only communication was open and free, doubts discussed and sorted. if only violence was NEVER an option. If only marriage was considered a boon, a gift a challenge.. If only wisdom pervaded the home of every couple.. If only God was considered a friend who walked beside you ..maybe.. she would have been alive.

Two young lives snuffed out in their prime..two families left shell shocked and millions of dreams shattered! Who do you blame? Who should you /can you blame? None really. Except for this being a lesson for youngsters to adopt patience, calmness and strength even at the most trying of times, this episode is only a mirror of the fact that sometimes seemingly intelligent, educated, cultured minds are smoldering within their own fires.

My fervent prayers to the Almighty to grant Sachdevas with fortitude and strength to bear the loss. To give them courage to go on with life with memories of Rinku and her countenance unblemished. To remember with joy the little child they brought up with so much love .Somehow one piously hopes all negativity gets obliterated from this incident.

Death is a thief who leaves no footprints..but life can make imprints of memories and cherish those close.

May her death not go in vain. May it principally alter the viewpoints that have made marriage to be a cordon of freedom . May this open up vistas that makes it imperative for every married couple to undertake their vows seriously. May Love be the only emotion that surpasses any other… at all junctures.

I love you Rinku…you will not be blamed baby.. Peace be with you! May the Almighty hold your hand and take you onward in your journey to a better world, smiling, laughing, joyously, as you always did.

OM

Update 28th March: Despite the grief one is bound to feel vindicated and relieved at the news that investigating police officials deny the possibility of Rinku being involved in an affair. Why fore the sensationalising by the media sans proof? It might have been prudent to have held on to sensitive news of the kind before ‘going to town’ with it ( a channel actually aired a video reconstruction of what may have happened that night, with the computer recording et al..hypothetically but enough to capture eyeballs..their trps may have touched the roof that night…congrats!!) and before investigations were complete.

Nevertheless..Sadness multiplies contemplating the death of wasted youth.

Update 30th March 2008: Sachdevas speak up.

To all who responded with undue alacrity in denouncing Rinku, only on hearsay, I think there is a lesson here.. not to be forgotten. Please do not be quick to censure/deplore/reprobate until substantial information has not been sifted through. Oftentimes there is more than meets the eye. When lies is holding sway, with ones power of discernment, patiently wait for truth to emerge. It can also save you heartbreak from guilt of having randomly torn asunder reputations and…. lives ( in this case that of the family)

Rumors/gossip may travel faster but will not stay around as long as truth will.

” I kissed thee ere I killed thee. No way but this, killing myself, to die upon a kiss”? Shakespeare Othello.Sorrowful..life imitating Art.

Kaveetaa Kaul

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162 Comments »

  1. I have been seeing it on Tv and its quite disgusting actually that the guy had to take such a drastic step…it is really sad now that u say you knew her. yeah it must be terrible for the parents..but a really heartfelt post kaveetaa

    Comment by Neha — March 25, 2008 @ 2:00 pm | Reply

  2. The Rinku Sachdeva I knew « Sachiniti

    The murder of Rinku sachdeva by her husband Amit Budhiraja is being talked and written of.. Kaveetaa knew her and writes of her reactions

    Trackback by Anonymous — March 25, 2008 @ 2:04 pm | Reply

  3. She was a succesful career woman in some bank or something.women should stay at home…this is the reason women were not permitted to work outside….they get involved and no man can tolerate that.

    Comment by Ayaz — March 25, 2008 @ 3:28 pm | Reply

  4. she has rights to be happy with the person who gives mental peace but she should have maintained a good relationship of friendship with the person whom she had loved and abide by the commintment of her husband and manage it in a very matured way .coz ultimately who will be forever is the husband . let her soul rest in peace

    Comment by sherel — March 25, 2008 @ 5:10 pm | Reply

  5. she has rights to be happy with the person who gives mental peace but she should have maintained a good relationship of friendship with the person whom she had loved and abide by the commintment towards her husband and manage it in a very matured way .coz ultimately who will be forever is the husband . let her soul rest in peace

    Comment by sherel — March 25, 2008 @ 5:11 pm | Reply

  6. Neha.. I am trying to avoid television. I dont see the point in indulging in an exercise where it troubles your mind to an extent that you end up crying, depressed..I just wish the media would leave this story alone.

    Ayaz,,this is one of the most ‘enlightened’ comments on Sachiniti. So according to you women shouldnt work to avoid cases like these. Next youd suggest we shouldnt step out of the house for fear of rape..so sit huddled in a corner of the home because the world is a big bad place. Btw there are bomb scares and these dont blast by gender.. so better watch out buddy..stay home.

    Sherel, like I said in my post, it s difficult to get to the bottom of facts. We cannot denounce by conjecture. Its unfair. How do we know for sure that anything in the suicide note is valid.. It may only have been Amits apprehensions, doubts, misunderstanding. Only Rinku could have shed light and she is not here.

    Comment by kaveetaakaul — March 25, 2008 @ 8:43 pm | Reply

  7. I am now here going to say that , he did the RIGHT thing committing suicide after that barbaric act. I DONT support murder of his wife, they could have easily divorced .Lets examine what kind of option he had after he coming to know about his wife’s extra marital affair

    1)But lets discuss what would have happen if he didnt commit suicide?

    Next day in the headlines in all media channels there would be a news saying that
    “Dowry Harrassment : Techy killed his wife”

    So whats next
    Aftermath:
    Not only the Amit, but even his parents and all other family members would have been behind bars immediately without any investigation.

    Conclusion:
    He would have lost job, offcourse , and spend all his savings till date to Save his family members.Even after jail sentense his life would be living hell

    What if he didnt kill his wife ?

    2)He would have filed divorce .

    Aftermath:

    Divorce would have taken years to settle , He had to shell out lot on judiciary , lawyers. After that he has to pay alimony to his wife for her lifetime. His wife would have earning well and enjoying life with her new boyfriend , and getting all the benifits from her former husband

    Conclusion:
    His life would be living be again living hell

    3)Now third option

    Kill his wife , commit suicide
    Now case is registered as murder and suicide , no action against his parents .
    his parents neednot wander between jail and court.

    Who are the loosers???

    Police officers who lost opportunity to get bribe
    Lawyers missed a lucrative dowry case
    Feminist organizations
    Offcourse our media , who lost important opportunity to highlight this for days and grab public attension and money

    Comment by Aparokṣānubhūti Ekaśloki — March 26, 2008 @ 5:27 am | Reply

  8. I agree that Amit did not have any option. Consier the situation. Your wife talking to her lover in your house and talking of filing a false harassment case against you. What women don’t realize is that the unjust laws like the dowry law and Domestic Violence Law are pushing men towards the edge. I can tell you what Amit’s future would have been – He and his parents would have been behind bars due to the false dowry allegations that Amit alleges that Rinku was contemplating. Generally, husbands have to shell out anything from 5 Lakhs to 4 crores to the wife to “compromise” so that she takes the case back. That is when the husband had been a gentleman (like described by Amit’s colleagues). The threat of false accusations and seeing his family behind bars can push anyone to the brink. Add to that the infidelity (atelast perceived by Amit. We’ll never know whether he was right or wrong) by the wife. His future would have been destroyed. He and his family would end up penniless, humiliated and socially destroyed while Rinku would have ended up richer and would probably have led a normal family life with her lover (if one existed).

    Who is to blame ? The Ultra feminist laws. Had the threat of a false case not been there, Amit would have probably thought of his future and who knows, maybe this tragedy could have been averted. But when your future is in jail due to a a cheating wife, the injustice gets to a man and he ends up taking law in his own hands.

    We should be prepared to see many more Rinkus and Amits unless the laws are made fair and just.

    God bless them both. They didn’t deserve to die.. just because of the travails of marriage. Its the Law that killed them

    I regret the loss of lives.

    Comment by Nishant — March 26, 2008 @ 6:51 am | Reply

  9. Why bring in the dowry laws ka rona again? I just dont understand..if she was in love with another guy as you people say then why would she want this marriage? she would have been happy with a divorce. Why would she want the xtra tension of an affair and a case on her head? it seems absurd….and btw dowry harassment case is no cake walk for the woman either.

    Comment by Neha — March 26, 2008 @ 9:43 am | Reply

  10. Why is our “ass screwed indian media” giving publicity to small matters while there are bigger things that they can bring to mainstream news and make citizens benefit from it ….

    Comment by vondino — March 26, 2008 @ 9:47 am | Reply

  11. He had only two options really be jailed under dowry harassment or the option he chose.

    When faced with Such situation people sometimes chose the final solution.

    Karnajit walia also did the same

    Comment by bharati — March 26, 2008 @ 11:04 am | Reply

  12. I dont agree with those who say that Amit had no recourse. If, in fact he had incriminating evidence against her then it would have been held valid in any court of law. Divorce would have been granted. Are you actually implying that the law of the land can so easily be dodged and manipulated?

    On the one hand the SIF torchbearers stridently proclaim that only a small percentage of cases actually end in indictment for the husband in a dowry related case. And now all of a sudden you are painting a picture which conveys just the opposite.This chameleon like approach does not stand scrutiny..Please refrain from reducing every tragedy that occurs in India as an excuse to propogate your half baked theories.

    Neha..your contention is on the dot. Why would she resist or threaten? Violence and resorting to such an extreme measure speaks of a confused, paranoid personality.

    Comment by kaveetaakaul — March 26, 2008 @ 2:45 pm | Reply

  13. Dear Om,

    I am a journalist working for Mumbai Mirror, times group- This is regarding your blog on Rinku Sachdeva. I learnt from your blog that she was a close friend of yours. I was wondering if you could assist us in carrying a piece in her rememberance. Is it possible for you to share some details with us. Or if you could help us in reaching her parents.

    I understand that you blame the media for highlighting this and causing pain to the family- but we have no such intention. All we want is to highlight that how such drastic steps are completely unwarranted.

    - That what is the state of Rinku’s family now, that why are they even subjected to a trauma like this for no fault of theirs. I am sure you agree that there is a lesson to learn for all of us who cross the line and take some extreme steps in life…Please help us in making people understand. please help is in carrying that message through our article. So that all of us learn a lesson from incidents like these.

    I would be truly obliged if you get back to me. Or mail me your number so that i can talk to you. Or any other suggestion you have that can help us understand this better and also tell the masses about it.
    Looking forward to hearing from you soon…..
    Thanks and Regards
    Bapu Deedwania,
    Senior Correspondent,
    Mumbai Mirror,
    Times Group, Mumbai.

    Comment by bapu deedwania — March 26, 2008 @ 4:00 pm | Reply

  14. Bapu Deedwania

    Comment by bapu deedwania — March 26, 2008 @ 4:04 pm | Reply

  15. Sorry Kaveeta…
    i thought it was om. please help me regarding this. if it is a problem, at least let me know …
    thanks …bapu

    Comment by bapu deedwania — March 26, 2008 @ 4:55 pm | Reply

  16. Bapu..pl check your mail.

    Comment by kaveetaakaul — March 26, 2008 @ 7:00 pm | Reply

  17. [ Edited .. Please show some respect for the deceased]

    Comment by Bangalorean — March 26, 2008 @ 10:45 pm | Reply

  18. Kavita,

    “Are you actually implying that the law of the land can so easily be dodged and manipulated? ”

    Yes. That is unfortunately, true. Shocking ? Incredulous ? Beyond comprehension ? Yes. and True ? yes to that as well.

    “On the one hand the SIF torchbearers stridently proclaim that only a small percentage of cases actually end in indictment for the husband in a dowry related case. And now all of a sudden you are painting a picture which conveys just the opposite”

    I think there is a gap in your understanding. It is true that only a very small percentage of cases do end up in indictment (because 98% are false). But it also true that most of the accused do end up in jail (atleast for a day or two) despite being innocent. That is because as soon as the false FIR is registered, the police comes to arrest you. Please check out http://www.498a.org and look at the survivor’s guide to 498A. You will get to know the facts.

    Earlier, people were not aware what fate awaited them in a marriage gone bad. Now, people are becoming aware and some might decide to finish up the matter themselves instead being condemned to a slow death by a bad wife and an apathetic legal system.

    As unfortunate as this tragedy is, let’s try to learn something from it. The fact is that these laws do cause tremendous stress to the innocent husband and his family. And that might end up in more Rinkus and Amits, tragically … I might add.

    Comment by Andy — March 27, 2008 @ 5:18 am | Reply

  19. Andy,

    One can hope to achieve nothing if random quotes from anothers comment are taken out of context. What precedes and follows is as relevant as the few lines you have opted to quote.

    You give me no choice but to re quote my quotes in an effort to elucidate my contention which I am sure was conveyed well enough the first time but intentionally misunderstood.

    When you quote ‘ “Are you actually implying that the law of the land can so easily be dodged and manipulated? ” it is precede by a pertinent statement

    “I dont agree with those who say that Amit had no recourse. If, in fact he had incriminating evidence against her then it would have been held valid in any court of law. Divorce would have been granted.”

    You have not responded to this line of argument since it does not go well with your theory.

    Further you quote “On the one hand the SIF torchbearers stridently proclaim that only a small percentage of cases actually end in indictment for the husband in a dowry related case. And now all of a sudden you are painting a picture which conveys just the opposite”

    This statement of mine was in response to those made earlier #7 bu ASE

    “Divorce would have taken years to settle , He had to shell out lot on judiciary , lawyers. After that he has to pay alimony to his wife for her lifetime. His wife would have earning well and enjoying life with her new boyfriend , and getting all the benifits from her former husband”

    And the comment by Nishant #8

    “Generally, husbands have to shell out anything from 5 Lakhs to 4 crores to the wife to “compromise” so that she takes the case back. That is when the husband had been a gentleman (like described by Amit’s colleagues). The threat of false accusations and seeing his family behind bars can push anyone to the brink”

    So there is no gap in my understanding or for that matter any blogger worth his/her salt with the dowry laws thanks to the vociferous campaigning/spamming by Siffers. We know your views wholly but you all just refuse to acknowledge that there is a world beyond your sorrows which cries out for sympathy and understanding defying organisations and personal vendetta.

    I belong to one such world which is loosely termed as ‘humanity’.

    We need to address the phenomenon of awry marriages most urgently..but in an environment of understanding and analysis without a ‘blinkered approach’

    Thanks for your comment.

    Comment by kaveetaakaul — March 27, 2008 @ 11:08 am | Reply

  20. i don know really if there is anything that we can do abt these aspects of life… does pain justify violence/retaliation… i cant say coz being self-less is not the easiest thing to do n with emotions changing lanes on the highway to hell, the rainbow seems a far cry! the reports in b’lore said that her parents are in the middle-east n have then come down to the city.. seems like the families havent met after the shaadi n now they meet on such a cross-road.. n it was just abt a year to the matrimony…. the reports of the whole thingy was on front page on monday n the snap of the couple smiling, made me wonder… really if this thing called love even exists now?! at the cost of being a cynic, pessimist n blunt… wud i be wrong in asking or questioning the emotional sanctity of love? the value n objective of marriage? seems like amit was a great geek, into infy for the last 9 years, quite brilliant… n all he does is destroy his love? and rinku sach’…. without knowing her, i shudnt create tall stories but then… did she try hard enuf? or.. or.. why the hell get married n then not honor that? the suicide note can be debatable n again u can measure the individuals, knowing one u can say.. she was good.. or someone wud take sides with amit… but huh… making a hash of human life! making a mockery of the parents, the families…. is no way of loving someone i guess. i agree, very very few people get to live their love thru.. and even fewer realize that their love, the guy or gal they are in “love” with… is the one for them… but even sometimes pain is a great leveller u know.. in dreamz n stories u live life, letting go or maybe knowing tat.. she wasnt for you.. i have not seen the depth arnd kav’.. be it the guy or the gal.. havent seen much honesty arnd.. havent felt the larger than life factor in most… love has become the apparel of existence n so is being burnt off so easy…
    u knew rinku n i can understand the feel… but guess, i cant be less angry with her for failing the test of life.. i cant be less mad at her for making people believe that love is expendable… as with amit, i hope this wud not be a guy gal sexist issue where again the biology wud overpower life n wisdom but still… it pained, to read the article arnd the snap of the happy couple… am i losing faith? i dunno… maybe i have still a lotta see in life, but hope i don grow to dishonor what society we are in… what set-up we are being a part of…
    whether she was right or wrong, i dunno, i wud say even knowing her sachiniti… u wudnt know… its hard to believe but then its always hard to trace the path back n a path so gruesome… ‘if’ has always been the fulcrum of life! i am not debating or arguing on this post… just that…. it hurt real bad… hurt bad coz of the loss of love.. the abuse n the irony of the educated ‘class’ who have just not been taught the essential lessons in life… looks are so deceptive naa!! so damn deceptive! i don know if id blame anyone… knowing the real story wud have called for options – not when there is no more story to write about. hope… love is not so much of a difficult thing to live with or give away… hope strength of character n the will to try aint so big a deal in this fast rat race ‘o life… hope the depth still draws u in… and hope.. hope! we can still remain honest – cut throat honest ‘n also have the guts to accept reality… i don know if i won blame her kaveeta, anyway i am no one to blame.. but i cant stand so clear on this issue.. coz i don know the undercurrents n neither i knew the people. why do we have to take sides always? why do we have to judge/evaluate/grade? why… why we are just always late…

    Comment by saptarshi — March 27, 2008 @ 11:31 am | Reply

  21. Saptarshi..theres more than meets the eye in this case. It will be out in the open soon.I have been in touch with close friends and insiders. As expected, what appears all over the media presently based on the suicide note is erroneous to the core.

    Watch this space for more startling information that hopes to clear the name of a girl trying desperately to make her marriage work. Its bad enough she lost her life but it will be nothing short of blasphemy if rumor mills keep churning out stuff based on conjecture.

    Truth always has and will shine through.

    Comment by kaveetaakaul — March 27, 2008 @ 12:22 pm | Reply

  22. i guess again.. as we have been used to.. we are looking at the whole issue from two different angles..
    its not bad enuf that she has lost her life – nothing can be bad-der than this this… n its not her life… its quite a lotta emotions been murdered along… i dunno abt the real or reel, just that… therez such a huge vacuum in the lives tat appear wrapped in happiness… i have no presumptions on this.. wat is left of her/him? nothing save memories for the people who loved her/him… i guess these muck doing the rnds wud anyway not taint that.. n for the junta like us… its just another story that has been ‘sold’ by the media ‘n lapped up – we are funny things! we laugh in mirth at otherz tearz!! tatz why maybe… i just take this as such a huge dent in the ways of our lives.. where nothing is what it seems…

    Comment by saptarshi — March 27, 2008 @ 12:30 pm | Reply

  23. I couldnt quite comprehend what you are saying Sapt. All i know is that this is about a daughter, a sister, a friend who is now dead and compounded with the fact that she is being defamed posthumously if I may say so. It could be anyones daughter..does the pain get to be internalised only if its ones own blood?

    so far as this incident serves as a catalyst for positive change one resigns oneself to it being publicised..but it hurts deep down when it transfigures into a static for arbit theories to peg their claims on..especially when the truth lies hidden beneath and is nowhere in sight presently…all efforts are in the direction to expose the truth. There is little else one can do besides that. ..at least one is not moaning, twiddling ones thumbs placidly. The parents have a life ahead.. they are here in the real world and they deserve a better deal..they need to live with their head held high.. they need to feel vindicated..Its only normal, human and righteous to be there at such times.

    Comment by kaveetaakaul — March 27, 2008 @ 1:11 pm | Reply

  24. You seem to be quite offset on this issue. Id take the earlier advice and watch the space for truth n nothing but the truth as you say the whole spin-a-yarn going on now is totally against the repute of the lady in question. Since I know neither, I would not have to say much on this… but simple logics of life never take a ride down the murder suicide run! Why does it seem that you have already blamed Amit for the whole thing and it is Rinku who was trying to keep the boat afloat? If she is a daughter, sister and friend… Amit wasn’t some alcoholic nerd! His friends have gone on record and quite held him in high regards… their judgment, evaluations call for some value also. Even they have not pointed a finger at Rinku – they have opined that the two seemed quite a decent pair. Then why you trying to create a character analysis and difference between the two? Amit has committed a horrendous crime – no doubt! But then you seem to think a guy just does it cause of his own problems and is not fueled or influenced by anything from/of his counter-part?
    What truth are we talking of? The truth that they are both death – anything beyond that? The media has always been the vulture but then why do we need to baptize one and crucify the other? I think its no joke, or sadist pleasure that someone stuffs the pillow and murders someone and then hangs himself – all without any huge huge cause! And here you only see the sister, daughter and her parents? Even Amit has the counterparts – even they lost him. And he remains the murdered naa!! Over and above you saying that its just a matter of ‘truth’… well, ill wait and read about that. But whatever, I don’t believe that it was just Amit who has to be blamed for this downslide. I do not even believe in the blame game now. I think the pain is equally hurting and there is nothing to prove. Nothing! Cause how much ever you say, the recollections can never be a 100% fit and on that to judge and comment doesn’t salvage anything.
    And to live with head held high? Spare a thought for Amit’s parents also… it’s a lateral inversion, a mirror image! Maybe you knew her, just like there are people who knew him, knew them… why is it that you seem to have made Amit as the nucleus of evil? Anyway… there is no point to righteously build a memorial of someone by taking away the foundation of someone else’s property. It’s not a question of twiddling thumbs, rather… an issue when we have nothing left to do more than that. We are just too late and I see that there is such a distinct partition within ‘us’.

    Comment by saptarshi — March 27, 2008 @ 2:48 pm | Reply

  25. Sapt you seemed to have missed the point totally.

    There is no implication whatsoever being done here..dont jump the gun. All the implication has been done in the suicide note against a person who is not here to defend herself.So please keep the basics of this case clear. Rinku hasnt left any letter or rather no correspondence implicating Amit is doing the rounds. How can you disregard this crucial detail?

    And please read my post again. I mentioned ‘two lives snuffed out’..my heart goes out to amits family as much. They must be without a shred of doubt equally traumatised. But Amit was the doer and this case Rinku the victim. it is not a question of good vs evil..at any point!!! You are so off the mark..its not funny.If you could not decipher the angst in my writing for BOTH..then what more can I say. You have to bear in mind that one cannot write endlessly.. some issues are lest to the imagination of the reader.especially the emotional highpoint of a post. I am just not the type to elaborate on it. Understatement to me is more effective.

    Comment by kaveetaakaul — March 27, 2008 @ 6:12 pm | Reply

  26. May her SOUL rest in PEACE

    Life has a lot of lessons to give to anyone who wants to learn..
    There are givers and there are takers..

    Knowing her was a honour

    She was always the first to give…

    lots of love and affection…

    lots of support and encouragement…

    lots of joy and merriment….

    She was bold outspoken and ready to fight for a right.. smart and confident

    Like when he first met her parents and came back and told her that he has failed in front of her father…and she stood up for him and went ahead with the marriage full of conviction that she will make it work.Her credits included a first at MBA and Top Performer in her first year at work.She was used to success.

    Like when he stopped talking to her for four days at a stretch for the flimsiest of reasons she went up to him and said sorry and lets get back to normal..first to give in ..her goodness mistaken for her weakness.. demands on her bending backwards to please him increased.

    Like when she dressed up the way he liked her.. that was not the way she liked to lead her life but she did it for him.

    She mingled with his friends leaving her friends aghast at her aloofness from her old set of friends.Never mind she won over his friends too..she was like that..always ready with a warm hug of love and affection…and he said how can u go and give a hug to all and sundry…what will they think.When she reminded him to wish his friend on a birthday he asked her to leave him alone and not interfere in others family affairs.

    She was ever ready for a dance and a jig to liven up a party and he never put a foot forward..dancing was silly for him

    She did not know how much he earned..thats none of your business he said,though she paid for all the bills to run their house from her salary.

    All her pics were together with him..he had only his photos on his PC.

    Stifling a live wire to lead a life of non communication was telling on her.

    She was the only one trying to make her marriage work

    Giving in to unreasonable demands of her husband fueled his dominance over her to a point where he demanded and took her life at the slightest hint of separation or incompatibility.She was a natural giver but he never stopped taking ..till he took away her life too.

    All the WOMEN of this world should be alert to the signs of relentless taking by a MAN..and make sure that she does not keep giving in till its too late.

    He seems to have used up all his intelligence in piecing together a string of half truths and blatant lies.

    Seeking justifications for inflicting death on someone does not behove a intelligent person..love does not include taking a life.

    All she was asking for was a little bit of love in return and he thought that was too much for him to give.

    We are sure she will spread HAPPINESS where ever she goes.

    Hope our lessons have been learnt…and lets not ever leave someone to face her tribulations all alone.

    Love you RINKU

    Family and Friends
    Sarita n Shyam
    Deepali n Kishore
    Neeta n Prakash
    Shammi n Ravi
    Kavita n Anuj

    Comment by We who knew Rinku... — March 27, 2008 @ 7:53 pm | Reply

  27. To everyone who’s decided to step in and comment without knowing either party at all – this entire media circus has been for minds like yours. The media putting out “apparent” truths, and “alleged” facts, comfortable in the knowledge that the self appointed jurors will jump in and make of the words what they will. People who know the truth overwhelmed with this dance of words and philosophising…where does one start putting facts out? Well, the truth is no one’s slave, and let’s be humble enough to accept that our minds are not vast enough to even imagine what may really have happened.

    Yes, I knew Rinku. Grew up with her. Danced at her wedding. Hosted dinner for Amit and her just this December. And yes, I know exactly what happened. But the point is, all of us who knew and loved her would much rather spend this time celebrating her tragically cut life. The physical heart burn it gives us every time we hear her maligned by people who couldn’t care two hoots about her (and who will presumably soon move on to the next big scoop)is getting in the way of our grieving. Like Kaveetaa requested – let the living revere their memories. Let them grieve in peace.

    As for the “socially relevant” messages, or “lessons to be learnt” that everyone apprently seems to be after – it is simply this: celebrate the ones in your life – don’t let them be alone. Often we feel our loved ones know we are just a shout or tug away. Such events show you they don’t – they need to be told and reminded constantly. All of us are caught in the web of our own perceptions, and often being pulled unawares in a warm hug by someone we trust can pull us away from disaster. So go out there, hug the people around you, show them you’re happy to know them.

    Which by the way is what Rinku did best.

    Comment by Deepa — March 27, 2008 @ 8:34 pm | Reply

  28. Deepa,

    Your comment #27 is the most sensible, thoughtful and touching comment on this forum. I am sorry for your loss. and the unnecessary loss of these two lives. May God bless their souls.

    Andy

    Comment by Andy — March 28, 2008 @ 3:09 am | Reply

  29. understatement??

    with all so much u say, its just an understatenment? anyway… i ahve never jumped the gun but as i can see the extrapolation in the well-wishers comment , the town has been painted black n white again!! all men n all women- take note… one hell of a game this is naa?? murder is never an option, be it for love or watever… super-love or as insee in this case, inferiority complex n J.. but then i said id wait n hear ur part of the deal… i never jumped the gun in trying to be the blind judge

    i maintain that there is nothing to judge save afailure of social goodness. a marraige is not of two people but of two families n there is no blaming her, blaming him… its sad that her love got mis-directed so bad… all the u have said n written here, shows that the note is bullshit n its just sad how a guy can lose it all so bad to …. huh… ya, i guess, am just trying to hunt for words here, i rest my case.

    but plz… it stands as a social failure. its not a case again of the adam n eve – all women take note, all men have short-circuits inside… i feel real sad, u know, as in when i read the comment u have left with the real ‘she’…. maybe, the jigsaw of life always don match… ironic and sad.

    anyway…i wud take a side now and knowing or not knowing her… it still hurt.

    Comment by saptarshi — March 28, 2008 @ 5:16 pm | Reply

  30. I dont think this is the subject to show off the debatic skills and proficiency. its a most tragic event and let us not try to be lawyers or jury to plead the case or pass the verdict. Its all in the mind and both of the departed soul might have had their own point of views and perception. But we should be very careful as a 3rd person whom we never discussed about. I think let us be more sensitive and atleast try not to be that 3rd person in a happily married couple’s life atleast a well settled and well to do couple. Sometimes it might be required to be that 3rd person where atleast of of them are weaker or being expoloited or torchured but not in this kind of cases. Let us assume that both of them were correct in their views and this tragic incidence was destined to happen in their life. let us pray for the peace for those departed soul…

    Suman Pandey

    Comment by Suman Pandey — March 28, 2008 @ 6:29 pm | Reply

  31. there is no debate!! its not a trp rating reality show but no! it is not tragic on bothe the parts… now, after the whole thing of a jaded guy with narrow mindsets n crazy impulses have come to the fore-front… its not equal halves anymore…

    we are always the third person.. the third person is always there in the lives of each one of us… in teh social fabric, there is nothing that can be locked away esp when a murder happens! wat a waste! the peace n love wud be bestowed, without the emotional trappings… i wud say its an hour of concern, shame n pain. n personally, i don think she cud have tried harder n he cud have been less of an insult in the name of a husband or this thing called love. no moderations… there is no point in feeling sorry after the damage is done. i din know the two and there wud so many such potential cases arnd.. wat can we do? tatz the question to be answered… god is not the trouble-shooter n heaven is not our playfield.

    Comment by saptarshi — March 28, 2008 @ 7:17 pm | Reply

  32. I am so relieved to see that Rinku’s friends have stood up for her and written this post. There is never a reason enough to kill. May their souls rest in peace. Some of the issues you have mentioned in #26 sounds very familiar. Besides, a girl has all the right to end a marriage, if it is turning out to be a reason of constant misery for her. Amit may have been a nice guy, but it is sad that he could not control his anger and pain. The very fact that he has blamed Rinku for everything does not sound right. Also, I don’t buy this theory of being afraid of the dowry issue. I am sure he was smart enough to be aware that the law could not be manipulated so easily, even more so, when he “allegedly” had all the evidence against Rinku’s so-called infidelity.

    Comment by Subhadra — March 28, 2008 @ 9:01 pm | Reply

  33. You can tell by one’s eyes – Amit eyes had this manic look about him. Am I the only one who’s noticing this ?

    Comment by Indica — March 29, 2008 @ 10:33 am | Reply

  34. Maybe now that u know the story it looks like that..otherwise he looks like a regular kind of guy to me. But looks are deceptive..what goes on inside a persons mind only he knows..Its a tragedy for him too..and his family.It was a lose lose situation for both.

    Comment by Neha — March 29, 2008 @ 1:36 pm | Reply

  35. I have come in late but have read through all the comments and the post in detail.That this is a tragedy which could so easily have been averted is first and foremost. Clearly our youngsters now trained to be professionals are yet not ready to cope with challenges of life as far as relationships are concerned. It is a really sad occurrence. My sympathies to the families of Amit and Rinku.

    For any parent this is shocking news. I am the father of a teenage daughter and a son. Now is the time that we stop differentiating in their upbringing on any level. I have to school my son to be a good husband as much as my daughter to be a good wife.And I will make certain I do that.I will not be able to die peacefully if my daughter in law suffers in my house.

    Finally Kaveetaa I think you deserve praise for standing up strong and open, displaying a strength of character which is noteworthy. We forget and ignore to honor a good deed and are quick to criticise, but I wish not to do that. Keep up the good work. You are using your blog and your talent in writing for worthy issues.Bravo!

    Regards

    Dilip

    Comment by dilip — March 29, 2008 @ 6:16 pm | Reply

  36. Friends –

    I read all the 35 comments posted over here. It is aparant that both, Amit and Rinku were good in their own way. Rinku was a good dancer, Amit was not, while Amit was a geek, Rinku was not. No Single couple in the world will have all matching common traits.. It is upto the couple to complement their own voids with their better half. That is why we call our spouse as a better half. That kind of thinking would have minimised the averance this couple have had …

    If Rinku is really that smart, she would have managed to calm down Amit and led a hormonious married life. Only then i would have called her as a smart girl. On the other hand, if Amit is really a super intelligent guy, he would have taken care of Rinkus feelings. Only then i would have agreed Amit is a super intelligent guy. What all I see here is, they are intelligent and smart in their career, but both seems to be immature to run a family and intolerant towards each other. Indian history tells – for a good married life, tolerance is the utmost important thing. Both were away from their family, aparatnly both seem not spent enough time to take guidance from their friends and family members. The young Indians, now a days focused more on making progress in career and losing focus on the personal family life.

    It is a lesson learnt at very high cost of two young lives. They both deserved a very good and quality life, provided they had been guided by the society. I do equally blame their family and friends(and society) for not helping these young couple when they were alive, but expressing their feelings now. From all the news i read, it seems that the discord between Amit and Rinku was not known to anyone. Isn’t it really shows that they had not seeked the help until their death. Now it is too late to help them.

    May God bless both, and let us take care of our society by educating the “well educated young Indians” of How to run and manage a well balanced family.

    Regards
    A fuming Indian Soul

    Comment by Mumbaieet — March 29, 2008 @ 7:44 pm | Reply

  37. Dear “fuming Indian soul”

    Much as I agree with your philosophy in general (and I should know, being married for 8 years now), it does not apply in this case. Here too, I should know, as I do know the real situation.

    Will only request that you do not use this case as your soapbox – feel free to express your opinion, but do not base it on people and situations you have no clue about. And at least moderate your language when referring to her family – who’s lost the most. One expects a little more maturity and grace from someone who’s claiming to give so much gyaan…

    Deepa

    Comment by Deepa — March 29, 2008 @ 11:24 pm | Reply

  38. True, I also fall prey to the cheap curiosity stirred up by the media to know what is rotten at the first instance. But, later it seemed really worth studying, as it leads to the life style, moral values and ethics of the new generation who are claiming to be forward thinking, highly spirited, intelligent and after all “COOL”.

    Whatever it be the case, the base male and female psyche stands more or less the same.

    You cannot substitute the drinking water with colas for ever. Can’t live on junk food forever. can’t substitute sleep with a nap forever. One day the breaking point will come fore sure.

    Same is the case for human relations too. needs like bieng loved and cared cannot be substituted with a mechanical relationaship.

    Its a case of marriage of incompatible persons and the responsibility for the tragic incident lies with the parents of both who ignored the warning signals, freinds who neglected and both amit and rinku who failed to realize what is their life.

    Sajeev

    Comment by Sajeev — March 30, 2008 @ 4:03 pm | Reply

  39. Killing a person over a suspicion, and in this case an ungrounded one (no proof of said “affair” has ever surfaced despite the best tries of both the media and the police)is just wrong. Anyone who thinks or says otherwise is a psychopath with no place in civilized society. This woman was someone’s sister, daughter, friend. It is sickening just how most people have reacted in these posts. You are so fast to throw the first stone .. you make me sick, everyone of you who is making comments about this poor woman who died such a horrific death. Be happy this did not happen to someone you love, and then some loser assh*le on a website did not sh*t on the memory of your loved one. You pus-boils make me sick.

    Comment by KR — March 30, 2008 @ 11:58 pm | Reply

  40. Really unfortunate … all i can say is this apt( i think so) song from the film “Aap ki kasam” long live Anand Bakshiji…

    ” Zindagi Ke Safar Mein Guzar Jaate Hain Jo Makaam
    Vo Phir Nahin Aate, Vo Phir Nahin Aate

    Phool Khilte Hain, Log Milte Hain
    Phool Khilte Hain, Log Milte Hain Magar
    Patjhad Mein Jo Phool Murjha Jaate Hain
    Vo Baharon Ke Aane Se Khilte Nahin
    Kuchh Log Ik Roz Jo Bichhad Jaate Hain
    Vo Hazaron Ke Aane Se Milte Nahin
    Umra Bhar Chahe Koi Pukaara Kare Unka Naam
    Vo Phir Nahin Aate, Vo Phir Nahin Aate
    Zindagi Ke Safar Mein…

    Aankh Dhokha Hai, Kya Bharosa Hai
    Aankh Dhokha Hai, Kya Bharosa Hai Suno
    Doston Shaq Dosti Ka Dushman Hai
    Apne Dil Mein Ise Ghar Banane Na Do
    Kal Tadapna Pade Yaad Mein Jinki
    Rok Lo Rooth Kar Unko Jaane Na Do
    Baad Mein Pyaar Ke Chahe Bhejo Hazaron Salaam
    Vo Phir Nahin Aate, Vo Phir Nahin Aate
    Zindagi Ke Safar Mein…

    Subah Aati Hai, Shaam Jaati Hai
    Subah Aati Hai, Shaam Jaati Hai Yunhi
    Vaqt Chalta Hi Rehta Hai Rukta Nahin
    Ek Pal Mein Ye Aage Nikal Jaata Hai
    Aadmi Theek Se Dekh Paata Nahin
    Aur Pardey Pe Manzar Badal Jaata Hai
    Ek Baar Chale Jaate Hain Jo Din-Raat Subah-O-Shaam
    Vo Phir Nahin Aate, Vo Phir Nahin Aate
    Zindagi Ke Safar Mein…”

    Comment by aneesh — March 31, 2008 @ 4:02 pm | Reply

  41. The incident is really sad. But this is just an indicator of how tough relationships can be. And it really takes a lot of understanding and affection from both sides to develop any relation. I am not blaming anybody but i read one news which said Rinku used to stay in a different bedroom than Amit. whatever may be the circumstances, if one is trying to break the basic tenets of his/her marriage, then that is surely not a good sign. In today’s world of stress and fast life, if you take time to understand each other then a lot of things can be worked out. otherwise you never know, life comes at you fast. Anyways, let both there souls rest in peace.

    Comment by Rajeev — April 1, 2008 @ 12:53 am | Reply

  42. I read someplace that the couple lived together 3 years before getting married. on what basis are the parents saying that they found the match on a matrimonial website. It looks like either of the families are hiding something and don’t want the truth to be out.

    Comment by Shankar — April 1, 2008 @ 3:10 am | Reply

  43. Shankar,

    Thanks for the sanctimonious post – you are obviously loosing sleep over this. I love your phrase “on what basis is the family saying this” – is the family supposed to find basis in one incorrect reportage by Deccan Herald? Am amazed that your “basis” is that the journo had the facts straight and the family is lying.

    I invite you to verify facts with the journalist who reported this – but am sure you don’t want to take the time. You’ve cast your slur and will now move on.

    For all who care – their having “lived in” is crap. Rinku was an integral part of our lives in Mumbai (which meant meeting with families almost every month) right up to the time of her arranged marriage.

    Comment by Deepa — April 1, 2008 @ 1:13 pm | Reply

  44. KR – thank you, thank you…

    Rajeev: everyone is entitled to decide when they want to stop fighting a one-armed battle. While she moved out after months and months of trying – he had never really moved in. All that we have been discussing amongst ourselves at home is that these struggles could have been any couple’s – and they have been too – the only thing that took things to such a heinous level in their case was his imbalanced mind.

    And of course let’s not forget that had she moved out of the house instead of just the bedroom (which she did only as recently as March 10, btw), she would have been alive.

    Comment by Deepa — April 1, 2008 @ 1:33 pm | Reply

  45. [...] I first read about the Rinku Sachdeva case, I was shocked. How this was such a regular couple, him in IT, living in Bangalore etc that [...]

    Pingback by Chez Moi » Keeping one’s sticky beak out — April 1, 2008 @ 2:45 pm | Reply

  46. Kaveetaa,
    My heartfelt sympathies to you for your loss. It is never easy going through a loss like this and when it is made worse by sympathetic people like your commentator Ayaaz, well, how can one move on? My prayers are with you and her grieving family.

    Comment by desigirl — April 1, 2008 @ 2:48 pm | Reply

  47. I heard of this tragic story sometime back. And, well I did fall for the trap initially. And kept wondering, was jus’ not convinced. The act on the part of the wife was jus’ too cruel for anyone to do. But I wondered, why did Amit create proxy alibis through that note.

    Anyways, feels good to read the post written by Rinku’s friends. Came as a relief actually. Guess, we would never know the reality. But what seems real is that the girl was a nice human being, outgoing and cheerful.So lets leave it at that. And I bless the person, who deleted her profile on the social netowrking site “orkut”.

    The guy..I donno what to say! it jus really was an extreme step. All of it jus’ seems, much too meticulously planned for anyone to say, it was something driven by emotions. Its like something that was geting accumulated over a period of time, and finally the plan was implemented. There has ben some talk that the guy got mocked by his friends (Wonder are they friends or enemies!!!) for his wife’s alleged affairs (which as clarified by family/police is not true!!!).

    Lets jus’ hope that the two families live in peace. Maybe after eons, I would pray and would remember the deceased.

    God bless!
    Gaurav.

    Comment by Gaurav Purohit — April 1, 2008 @ 5:10 pm | Reply

  48. @Deepa – Thanks for replying and Clarifying.. After reading your comments, I can clearly see that media is overhyping the events and generating money out of it. Lets pray to God to give strength to both families and friends to face this situation.. Ending someone’s/self’s life is surely not a solution to any issue in this world.. Yesterday when I was travelling i came across a beautiful line written outside a church.. It said “Life is fragile, Handle it with Prayer”. After reading that line, I remembered this incident and wondered how true it is.

    Comment by Rajeev — April 1, 2008 @ 9:28 pm | Reply

  49. Thanks for manning the western front Deepa.You hit the nail on the head each time.

    Hi Aneesh,the song is apt.. especially the verse.. ;aankh dhokha hai kya bharosa hai..so true.
    It is said that duniya mein har marz ( disease) ka ilaaj hai par shaque (suspicion) ka koi ilaaj nahin.

    Hi Sajeev, marriage for most today is considered a problem to be solved or sometimes defying solutions. I have often touched upon the dichotomies we face or sometimes turn our back on in various posts on Sachiniti. Somehow whilst writing about Rinku, all else faded into the background. I found myself totally unable to delve into causes, assign reasons, look for answers, analyse contributory factors or come up with substantive heavyweight insights. At such times the purposelessness of life hits you..So I guess we will leave that for another day.

    Hi desigirl..you are most thoughtful As for Ahhh..yaaz, led me to wonder what will finally prove to be the scourge for mankind..apathetic environmental concerns or pathetic mental concerns..Immediacy of the problem is..? Ignorance or illiteracy? To top it they arent mutually exclusive. Whoever said the literate cannot be ignorant!

    Hi Gaurav.. liked your honesty…glad you could zero in on the crux of the post.The incident had to be given a three dimensional configuration. It was hopelessly unidimensional and that made me want to throw up ..just imagining the plight of the parents and the tears of Rinku coupled with her helplessness, looking down from the heavens was enough to make one shudder at what rumors or misinformation can result in. For the sane, thinking, rational amongst us, the picture is now crystal clear,,and one can heave a big sigh of relief.

    couldnt quite get your reference to ‘proxy alibis’

    Rajeev this is beautiful “Life is fragile, Handle it with Prayer”.

    Comment by kaveetaakaul — April 1, 2008 @ 10:14 pm | Reply

  50. I knew Rinku…vivacious,spirited and full of life.She made a lasing impression on all she met.She’ll be missed greatly.May her soul rest in peace.

    Comment by chicagogirl — April 1, 2008 @ 11:21 pm | Reply

  51. We are not living in a war zone. Anybody who takes anybody else’s life is stupid. Moreover, Amit’s day job was that of a snoop. He probably thrilled himself by snooping into other peoples lives at work. Naturally, this stupid snoop tried to do the same at home. When he did not find much to thrill himself regarding Rinku’s friendships, his stupid little brain went crazy & paranoid. Let’s not forget that Rinku did not deserve this treatment. She should be remembered for her affection towards the people in her life, which included Amit. She misplaced her affections in her dastardly husband. Rinku’s parents are the nicest people you will ever meet on this Earth and she was a true reflection of them. I have no idea how her parents & sister will ever come out of this, if at all. Let’s not forget all other such women who might be living dangerous lives in similar circumstances. Reach out to them and save them before it is too late.

    Comment by PL — April 2, 2008 @ 8:50 am | Reply

  52. I’m glad that Rinku’s friends have come forward to defend her in this hour of crises. I checked out how the other camp – aka Amit’s family / friends – were doing on their part and I must say his sister, Nidhi, needs a lesson in PR.

    This is what she has to say in her ‘Memoirs of Amit’ community that she’s created. Her words are ironic, especially given the violence that her brother exhibited in taking another’s life.

    “I will always be sorry that you suffered so much and did not even think of burdening us with your pain. I wish i could take away some of your pain. As kids when a guy used to fight with you i used to pull his hair, hit him, do evrything to take him off you. I wish you had told me about your sufferings, I would have fought the world for you baby.”

    Ah, the power of suggestion ! Is she suggesting that she would have put him out of this misery by getting rid of his wife for him ?! Sometimes people don’t know when to shut up. They are soo in the wrong side of the fence, they should quit trying to be defensive. But the world works on Karma as is evident in their little ‘community’ – Except for his sister, her alter ego the ‘Tribute to Amit’ id and her cousin, not a single soul, despite her frenetic messaging to people on orkut, has come forward to say anything on the forum.

    No matter which way anyone sees it, the reality is Amit is a murderer. And for the rest of their pathetic lives, his rather arrogant family will be the family of a murderer.

    Comment by Indica — April 2, 2008 @ 9:19 am | Reply

  53. Dear Indica

    I am not sure if the grieving families are thinking about PR at this hour of grief. I dont think they are worried about creating the right impression. What they say are the emotions they feel. And you are very good at mis-interpreting facts and statements.
    If someone tells you that “wish they could take away all your pains” does not mean that they would take your place in the act. It can also mean a listening ear, it can also mean fighting together against the dowry case which Rinku had threatened to file. Fighting the world does not mean killing someone, it means standing by your side and helping you get out of that situation.
    And you are no one to judge who is on the wrong side of the fence. Only time and God will tell. And so far we havent heard any public statement issued by police that she was “not” having a relationship”. You are talking about Amit’s arrogant family, if they were arrogant they would have been issuing statements in media like Rinku’s family. they are one decent family who dont believe in saying nasty things about the dead.
    Even the community she has created does not say one vile thing about Rinku. No where ever have they said anything rotten about Rinku ever. I think its not they but YOU who is arrogant. And from your post i would suggest you go and take a lesson in PR. Your words are like venom in the post above.

    Comment by Tanya — April 2, 2008 @ 12:20 pm | Reply

  54. Tanya..that was cruel as heel..You have said everything possible pretending as if you havent..

    n what do you mean by ‘And so far we havent heard any public statement issued by police that she was “not” having a relationship”.

    what was the update Kaveetaa posted..conveniently ignored it? okay Ill quote it again

    http://www.mumbaimirror.com/net/mmpaper.aspx?page=article&sectid=3&contentid=2008032820080328042138420c65c4c39

    Police DENY affair!!!

    Comment by Neha — April 2, 2008 @ 1:18 pm | Reply

  55. amit’s story is not there. well, he knew how to snoop over the network. as a software professional myself, i am fully aware of how to steal passwords and how to connect to other peoples desktops while they are working, and how to snoop on mobiles. without doubt, rinku was having an affair and amit knew about it. what is bad is that she continued to have an affair while living with her husband. she should have left him. on top of that quite cold bloodedly she also planned of how to get divorce and a settlement on a false dowry case. when relationship ends in disaster, both the sides have to share considerable blame. kavita is just trying to whitewash her friend.

    Comment by apurva — April 2, 2008 @ 1:19 pm | Reply

  56. Tanya – Please get your facts updated …. Police has confirmed that Rinku did not have an affair outside of her marriage. You may also not know that Amit Budhuraja had a history of physical violence against Rinku.

    Watch out when you say “if Amit’s family were arrogant they would have been issuing statements in media like Rinku’s family”. Your statement reflects poorly on your lack of good judgment about a wrongly killed girl’s parent’s actions. There is nothing anybody can say to tar Rinku, because she was a smart, affectionate and a devoted wife. She did not hurt anyone. Despite keeping a full time job, she always cooked for her husband, till the last day! Rinku came from a very respectable family and obviously, her parents are defending her innocence, and rightfully so.

    The only victim in this case is Rinku and her family, which are grossly wronged by Amit, who was an immature, insecure and paranoid husband. Today, he is also a murderer of an innocent devoted wife and a shame to his family. He deserves shame, rather than sympathy … if he does get some sympathy, it surely must come from the psychiatric ward.

    Comment by PL — April 2, 2008 @ 1:30 pm | Reply

  57. It is unbelievable how quick a lot of people are to judge others on verylittle or no evidence. I refer to the recent tragic murder of RinkuSachdeva at the hands of her husband Amit. Someone hears that thehusband suspected his wife of having an affair, killed her thencommitted suicide. And the abuse pours in – “what an immoral woman”,“she deserved it” and some comments which are too sick to even repeat. To all those who have been quick to jump to Amit’s rescue saying thatshe deserved it because she was threatening him with false dowryaccusations, please read the excerpt from the suicide note where he saysthat “…I had an intuition that if I applied for a divorce, she wouldaccuse my family of dowry harassment…”. He had an intuition. Intuitionsmeans a suspicion, a hunch and in this case a pure figment of hisimagination. Rinku never did threaten him with a false dowry case. Hejust thought that it may happen. Then it goes on to say that hesuspected that she was having an affair, which till now has not beenproven. It is full of false justifications of why he killed her. But this murder cannot be justified. Amit had the time to plan this, sit down and pen his thoughts andjustify his actions. Rinku had no such option. If she had been given achance to tell her story, the public opinion would be very different. Rinku was a lovely girl. She was friendly, bright, outgoing and verycharismatic. The sort of person you would turn to if you needed help,the sort you would naturally gravitate to at any public gathering. Thesort of person you would love to have as your friend. And I know allthis as I have known her since she was 6 years old.When I heard about her murder, I felt physically sick. But nothing canmatch my feelings right now as I read comments that seem to take some perverse sadistic pleasure from saying she deserved it. What ‘facts’ do they have that they happily appoint themselves judge and jury to try andhang the only thing left of her, her reputation and memories.This case signifies a lot of what is wrong with our society today. Sometake the law in their own hands, others actually applaud it. And thevictim dies twice. Rinku, we remember you with love. Rest in peace.- P Fernandes –

    Comment by P Fernandes — April 2, 2008 @ 2:27 pm | Reply

  58. Neha

    Isn’t it little surprising that the statement made by Bangalore police about the investigation got published only in one Mumbai Newspaper “mumbai mirror”. Shouldn’t this have been published in all metro papers, if not all than atleast in some Bangalore newspapers since this is a bangalore case. I tried searching on net but could find that news anywhere except Mumbai Mirror.

    Comment by Tanya — April 2, 2008 @ 2:45 pm | Reply

  59. Also, while searching this is the latest I got to know from the newspaper articles:

    http://www.mid-day.com/web/guest/news/bangalore/article?_EXT_5_articleId=1063930&_EXT_5_groupId=14

    Comment by Tanya — April 2, 2008 @ 2:48 pm | Reply

  60. Tanya..let me please inform you since you dont seem to realise that you are making a spectacle of yourself and in the bargain that of the bacha koocha credibility of amit budhiraja.

    Please read the Mumbai mirror article carefully.. it is reported FROM BANGALORE!!!! And also do you mean to say that MM has no credibility that a 250 newspapers should carry a denial before you guys accept it?who cares whether u accept it or not..amit used words like ‘ her body language made me feel she is having an affair’ or something like that. You mean to say that if he really had proof he would kill himself..or not boldly present it in a court and get his divorce!!

    And the link you have submitted shows a blank!!! Obviously mid day has removed it!

    Comment by Neha — April 2, 2008 @ 3:00 pm | Reply

  61. Neha

    I am not sure how discussing something makes a spectacle of me. probably you know better.
    Also the very simple fact is such investigation report will first get published in Bangalore. I find it weird that only Mumbai mirror publishes that.

    And since you are not able to open the article i am copying the same:
    Amit Budhiraja was driven to murderous rage by friends who taunted him about his wife’s alleged affair with a colleague, MiD DAY investigations suggest.

    The Infosys software engineer had contacted a marriage counsellor two days before he smothered wife Rinku to death last week.

    “He told me his wife was involved with someone. I asked him to come over the same day if he was disturbed. But he said he would come with Rinku on Monday,” said Ruksana, who counsels couples in distress.

    Ruksana believes she might have saved their lives, if not their marriage, if they had visited her on Friday.

    On the evening of March 21, a couple of hours after speaking to Ruksana, Amit reportedly went to a party, where his friends teased and mocked him.

    “I came to know about the party from his friend Raoul. It is possible Amit turned wild after hearing the insults and decided to kill his wife,” Ruksana told MiD DAY.

    Amit murdered Rinku and hanged himself late Saturday or early Sunday.

    Raoul, a friend from Delhi who attended the party, informed a stunned Ruksana about the deaths a day before she was to meet the couple.

    Amit had tried desperately to save the marriage, and had confided in Raoul, also from Delhi and a software engineer like him.

    Rinku’s father told MiD DAY earlier this week the couple had decided to divorce, but Amit nursed hopes that counselling could avert the break-up.

    Raul had worked in Bangalore in a software firm till 2006. When his own marriage was on the rocks, he had contacted Ruksana, who had helped him separate from this wife.

    When Amit told Raoul about his troubles, he suggested a consultation with Ruksana.

    “Raoul called me up and sought my help for Amit,” said Ruksana.

    Amit called her up on March 21 and spoke to her for almost 20 minutes. She asked him all about himself, and his relationship with his wife.

    Who is to blame?

    HELP WAS AT HAND: Ruksana
    “He was keen to continue the marriage,” Ruksana told MiD DAY.

    The party reportedly upset Amit’s emotional balance. His friends, who were drunk, allegedly started talking about Rinku, and went to the extent of calling him “useless” and a “g***u”. That left Amit edgy. He reportedly spoke about the party experience to Raoul.

    Raoul called up Ruksana, told her about the party fracas, and sought her help to counsel Amit on Monday.

    But on Sunday morning, he broke the news of the murder and suicide, and abruptly put the phone down.
    “I then saw the horror in the media,” she said.

    Comment by Tanya — April 2, 2008 @ 3:06 pm | Reply

  62. So what are you trying to say?

    First it was ‘alleged’ that there was a telephone conversation he had recorded..none has come up.. now it is that friends mocked him..One persons paranoia cannot be proof of a wifes infidelity..It is only a sick mind with no self esteem who will resort to this.

    So are we to believe the police investigations or some vague rukhsana??

    Comment by Neha — April 2, 2008 @ 3:12 pm | Reply

  63. Much as I would like to desist from getting into a mud slinging match which will defeat the purpose of this post and make a further mockery of the tragedy , I have to ask here, Tanya what exactly is it that you are attempting to achieve? Are you condoning/ justifying/rationalising the murder of a wife by her husband? If you are then let me tell you its atrocious.

    NOBODY has the right to take anothers life under any pretext..that is the core issue. Reason for violence and crime can be a thousand but we as a civilised people have to find reason to behave not excuses to misbehave and in this case become a criminal.

    Comment by kaveetaakaul — April 2, 2008 @ 3:20 pm | Reply

  64. Kavitaa

    Please point out the section of my post which makes you feel I am justifying/rationalising the murder of a wife.
    You are being very unfair by interpreting facts in the wrong manner. No where have i mentioned its justified. The only attempt is to be fair to both the parties. What ever has happened, both the families have suffered irreparable losses. If you are bringing out one section of the news, as a common person i have few questions around that and I am asking them. Does it mean that any one who does not write in favor of your post is justifying the act and is atrocious.

    Comment by Tanya — April 2, 2008 @ 4:51 pm | Reply

  65. Neha

    I am a reporter with a Bangalore based newspaper. Sorry to inform you but when contacted Bangalore police have said that the investigation on this case are still on and that they have not issued any such statement. I do not wish to further write anything on this. I will wait for the police to finish their investigations.

    Comment by Tanya — April 2, 2008 @ 4:57 pm | Reply

  66. Tanya, your #64 does not merit a response. frankly i dont have the time nor the inclination to get into inane verbal duels, which are initiated without protocal or thought, meandering around the same points as made by me in the original post and ruefully purposeless. Disagreeing with my post is the least of my concerns since it mirrors your ethics or rather lack of it.How does it matter if one person like you cannot see the reality that is staring you in the face. There are thousands who do. Normally I might have exercised my privilege of trolling your comments and you would have had to resort to the Orkut community, you all have been frequenting as informed by Indica. keeping fairness in mind..one has permitted you to write here.. so the field is all yours..go for it..it matters little.

    You have made a very serious allegation in #65 against MM correspondents of Bangalore. I have got in touch with their counterparts in Mumbai and have forwarded your comment.We will take it from here. Irresponsible and foolhardy accusations of the kind cannot be permitted to go scot free..its blasphemous.

    You claim to be a reporter with Bangalore based newspaper but operate from Delhi? It is a bol.net.in ip address..

    If you have not yet imbibed the essence of this tragic incident which is to keep ones emotions in check and nurture harmony at all times..then all I can say to you is ‘ best of luck’.. you need it.

    As for me.. cutting myself off from negativity is the seeded mantra of my life. ..so adios!!

    Comment by kaveetaakaul — April 2, 2008 @ 5:53 pm | Reply

  67. AMIT was a sincere person and down towards to the earth .. I believe him , what ever he has written in his suicide note .. some thing must be there that’s why he has toke a drastic step …he was mentally tortured upto a large extent

    Comment by aiku — April 2, 2008 @ 7:06 pm | Reply

  68. First a girl gets ruthlessly murdered… then the murderers family come and begin to murder her memories and reputation here..what a bunch of losers! kaveeta you should disallow comments from these people. Show fairness to people who value it.. why show it to faltu ke log ko who dont desrve it..btw your comment above was gr8!

    Comment by Neha — April 2, 2008 @ 7:07 pm | Reply

  69. Aiila .. ‘down towards earth’?!?!

    Oh heavens swallow me!!

    Comment by Neha — April 2, 2008 @ 7:10 pm | Reply

  70. kaveeta why u did not ‘toke’ my comment seriously..

    Comment by Neha — April 2, 2008 @ 7:11 pm | Reply

  71. Amit’s family is obviously grieving as much as Rinku’s, but the main difference is that Rinku is dead because of Amit … he is the murderer. Amit’s got his way in the end. He even left a note justifying the murder. He probably died knowing he will be cleared in death … what peace of mind! Rinku did not get her way, she would still be alive if she hadn’t met Amit. She did not get an opportunity to tell her story on paper, she would have, only if she knew what Amit’s devious plans were. Rinku died against her wishes. She could not even ask for help, because she did not know what was coming. Amit on the other hand, planned it all. He knew what he was going to do. He should have sought help (unless he thought of himself as making perfect decisions). If his brain was wired abnormally and he was in depression and suicidal (medically it has been proven that these two things run in your genes). Amit should have gone and banged his head against some wall if he was jealous of Rinku being alive. Killing is not a civilized way to solve problems. Rinku did not do anything that is not normal for a girl to do. On the contrary, Amit took too many utterly abnormal decisions. He cannot be sympathised for his thought process, that led to murder. His family will obviously remember him and miss him for his past, but I am sure they are also ashamed of this last acts and cannot condone it. Whereas, Rinku’s parents are in a different situation, they lost their innocent girl to the hands of an abnormal person who played God.

    Comment by PL — April 2, 2008 @ 7:41 pm | Reply

  72. WHY this neha is getting into the talk .. i think she dont desrve to be on this earth .. got it .. i think whom u r calling a MUDERER was some one son nd bro too .. the people who knew him cant say a single bad word for him.. i think hav u purchased this blog .. i dnt think so ..

    Comment by aiku — April 2, 2008 @ 8:18 pm | Reply

  73. he didnt killed rinku only … he killed himself too..

    Comment by aiku — April 2, 2008 @ 8:26 pm | Reply

  74. neha i hope heavens swallow U.. if u are really despirate to go

    Comment by aiku — April 2, 2008 @ 8:35 pm | Reply

  75. why am i not surprised that for amits supporters ‘that she dont deserve to be on this earth’is an everyday dialogue!!!even on a blog!!

    No.. I have no purchase this blog.. have u?

    Comment by Neha — April 2, 2008 @ 8:53 pm | Reply

  76. .. nope dear .. i thought so …coz u sugested some1 to ignore ma writtens

    Comment by aiku — April 2, 2008 @ 8:58 pm | Reply

  77. So if his friends insulted him claiming his wife had an affair, what kind of friends were they? If someone insults my wife, they’d be on the floor, forget even being a friend again. Shouldn’t a husband’s first job be to defend his wife’s honor? Also, how did his so called friends know of her affair? Was he feeding them that too?

    There is no justification to taking a life, even assuming the worst case that she wanted to divorce him and jail him with false claims. And even that seems bogus. Else, why’d she not have moved out of the house or with her parents. She was a successful person from a well to do family. She wasn’t holding on to his moneybags.

    Comment by Sudhir — April 2, 2008 @ 9:47 pm | Reply

  78. First and foremost Kaveetaa Thank You so much for all the effort you have put in fighting Rinkus cause. We as a family are obligated to you for life. A lot has been written in Indian newspapers, some of which, too disgusting and painful to comprehend. I will start my discussion with sharing the facts of Rinkus life written by her close friend from Bangalore (Being anonymous was this individuals choice and I respect it, I cannot however thank this individual enough for being there for Rinku in her time of need).

    Also to all reading this please ask yourself this question IS PERCEIVED INFEDILITY ANY JUSTIFICATION FOR MURDER. FOR THAT MATTER DOES ANYTHING JUSTIFY MURDER. We gave our Daughter/ Sister to this individual to build a life with and take care of, we believed in his integrity, his promise to be by her side at all times. If we had any inclination of his demonic mind we could have rather had her be by our side and not married in the first place.

    I can’t believe me and dad took her hand and handed it to this monster. And also stop this stupidity of saying we would have gone after the Dowry allegation, LET ME BE VERY CLEAR ON THIS we would not have got our daughter/ sister married to a family asking dowry. That’s insulting in today’s day an age. Trust me if some one was to ask our family for dowry we would KICK BUT, please don’t insult us, let alone give our daughter to such a family.

    Also I cant believe that Amit’s Sister (Nidhi) is stating that she had no idea of these issues when RINKU CALLED HER UP COUPLE OF WEEKS ago asking for help. Anyways lets start with this first, and if I see this going in the way of being insulting or I receive stupid comments, I guess its the last you are hearing from me and the Family. I do also want to point out that we plan to do something social about women who are living a married life similar to that of Rinku and suffering. So lets start with this, and please be polite in your questions as this is my Dear Beloved Sister you will be talking about, getting nasty with someone is an easy trait, being polite is tough, so tread the road of being humble and polite with your questions. The letter begins:

    XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

    Rinku as I knew her

    I met Rinku around June last year. We started meeting up on a regular basis and soon became very close friends. Meeting each other on a more or less daily basis we soon started confiding everything about our lives in each other.

    She had already started to have problems in her marriage with Amit by then. Rinku was beautiful, confident, an out and out extrovert and doing excellently in her career. She was a warm, vivacious and ever optimistic person, very caring and affectionate by nature. Amit was an introvert, bordering on being chauvinistic and egoistical by nature. They never had major fights but had minor disagreements on a regular basis, mostly sparked by their completely contrasting personalities. Rinku being a strong independent woman had her viewpoint about things which irked him because he probably was hoping for a wife who while being great arm candy when he socialized would be more submissive at home and accept his decisions on house, car and other decisions of everyday life etc. without questioning him or giving her opinion on it.

    It was one day when she had taken him with her to her official party that they ended up disagreeing on something and he left her stranded at the party late in the night and went off in their car, refusing to take her home with him. It was at this time that she was crying and wondering what to do next that her colleague came forward and offered to drop her home. In her state of distress she confided in him about her marital problems and the fact that all was not well with her marriage. Since that day he became her friend and confidant in office, who was there to give her a shoulder to cry on when things went wrong which was happening on a more or less regular basis. Having come to Bangalore after her marriage, she had no close friends in the city who she could confide in and she needed to speak to someone to clear her mind and decide how to take things forward. Till her last day, he remained that friend and confidant. There NEVER was a question of him being anything else. The rapport they shared was one of strong friendship and sympathy for her plight. His parents were any case looking out for a suitable match for him and he was supposed to get married by July this year. She would talk to him about her troubles and he in turn would advise her and also tell her all about the prospective marriage candidates he was being shown and ask her opinion on them, whether they sounded promising and should he go ahead and say yes to any. If that fight had not taken place in front of her colleague, she would never have started confiding in him in the first place.

    On Amit’s birthday, Rinku planned flowers, cake and gifts at midnight and took him to out to dinner the next day. Ten minutes before midnight on her birthday he got into an argument with her about her dressing style. He criticized her wardrobe very rudely and then refused to apologise or make up with her when she started crying. They went o bed fighting and he did not plan anything for her the next morning either. After her work in the evening, she begged him to forget the fight and join her for dinner at a restaurant. He came in a very aloof manner and fought with her again while leaving the restaurant.

    Rinku always believed in talking things out in case of an argument and moving on from there whereas Amit would just stop talking for several days in a row. This made her very unhappy. She would always be the first person to go ahead and make up with him after a fight even when she wasn’t at fault as she believed that with just two people living in a house, it was extremely unpleasant to live together day after day without talking.

    During one such fight, Amit got a phone call. It was from some friend he had not heard from in sometime. He started talking to him ignoring Rinku who was in the middle of a heated discussion with him. When she asked him to at least resolve matters with her first without callously moving on to other things he got upset that his friend might have overheard and came forward and slapped her across her face. He NEVER apologized for that act either then or later.

    During their numerous fights, NEVER did he bring up his suspicions of an extramarital affair at any point of time. Being basically of a suspicious and possessive nature, he sometimes used to check Rinku’s messages behind her back. She had come to realize this and had told him that if any point he wanted to know who she was communicating with, he just had to ask her. She requested him to not go behind her back but see her cell if he needed to in front of her. She wanted to be treated with the same trust and space she gave him.

    Similarly, one day she mentioned how Amit was aware of all her investments, bank accounts etc. but had never told her about his. He found Rinku inquisitive when she asked such questions but all Rinku wanted was an open and honest marriage based on communication and trust.

    In December last year they went to Mumbai to visit Rinku’s parents. Though they had planned this trip several months in advance, Amit sulked about going as he wanted to go to Delhi to his parents (which they were doing in January anyways). While there, he walked out from the room rudely once when Rinku’s mother was talking to him, slamming the door behind him just because he was in a bad mood. He also made last minute plans to meet his friends there without telling Rinku who he was meeting and how long he would be out, even when he knew that she had made plans for the two of them with her parents and relatives for that same time. One of Rinku’s biggest grievances with him was that he did not give her parents and family the same kind of respect and understanding that he wanted her to show his parents and this was always a point of conflict between them. Two days after returning to Bangalore, he suddenly stopped talking to her altogether though they hadn’t fought recently. After five days of silence with her pleading with him everyday during this time to tell her what was wrong, he said that he was not sure and he had to figure out some things first. He never gave his reasons even later when things went back to normal gradually and she was left wondering about his sudden spurts of silence.

    Another point of conflict was that he did not give importance to her career and expected her to move with him out of Bangalore at the drop of a hat if he changed jobs; without even consulting her first about it. She was doing very well in her job and expected his support as far as her career went as she was sharing all household and other expenses with him including those for the new flat they had bought and furnished together.

    Early February she decided to see a marriage counselor as a last resort to save her marriage as she had become completely drained from their daily fights about minor everyday things always followed by days of silence from his side. She was hoping that at least in front of the counselor he would open up enough to tell her his issues with her so they could talk things out.

    I know for a fact that at the marriage counselor’s, different issues mentioned above were brought forth by him but there was not even a passing mention of him suspecting an extramarital affair. If it was preying on his mind to the point that he murdered her for it, how is it that he did not feel the need to even mention it once in front of the counselor? They visited the counselor on a Saturday evening. They were then asked to come back the next weekend and in the meantime advised to go out for lunches, dinners, movies etc. where they could just hang out and have fun without discussing any of their differences.
    Saturday he didn’t speak to her, neither on Sunday even though she suggested several trips outside. Sunday night he invited her to the bedroom and when she refused on grounds of the fact that if there was no emotional bond between them then she couldn’t resort to physical intimacy, he got extremely upset and asked for a divorce. By then she had become completely disillusioned as she felt that her requirement in his life was not for companionship but for cooking and giving him company in bed and thus readily agreed.

    The next day she went to the Gurudwara after work and silently cried there for everything that had gone wrong. When she went home that night, he told her that he had behaved impulsively the previous night and asked her to reconsider the divorce. She wanted to save the marriage if possible and agreed. She had by then told her parents about her marital problems and decided to go for a few days to them to personally let them know that she was planning to work on it as she knew how worried they would be about her. During the 5 days she was there, Amit neither called nor messaged though he knew that she had gone through problems at the airport with her visa etc. She had a difficult time trying to get in touch with him and he finally responded to her calls. They spoke only twice during her time there.

    She came back to Bangalore with the intention of working on her marriage but though he had promised to be more communicative and make an effort from his side too, within few weeks she realized that they were back to their daily arguments and there wasn’t much change in his attitude. She carried on nevertheless till about 2 weeks before her death when she finally realized that the best thing for them both would be to move on instead of compromising on their happiness on a daily basis. She told him that it would be best to separate and he agreed. Amit told her that he was looking at job options overseas and would probably move abroad in a few months time. It was then that she requested him to move out of their present house to their Sarjapur flat as it would be closer to his workplace. She wanted to continue living there as being fairly new to the city and having to stay alone thereon she wanted to be in a locality she had become familiar with and also as she knew she could go to the landlord in times of trouble as she was on very good terms with his family and they were extremely helpful people.

    One of the things she mentioned 3 days before her death was ‘After all when you have lived with someone for one and a half years and that too someone you have loved, there is a bond that forms that can’t go just because of disagreements. I know if I have decided to get out, I should do it soon but I’ve been dragging it and am still confused about my decision as I can’t make myself hate him. I still care about him…” Till he decided to move out of that house, she also continued staying with him as she felt that with both of them working, they could discuss how to take the divorce forward only when they met in the evenings. At the same time, she said that since she had to cook dinner for herself anyways, she could also take care of his food at least as long as they were still living together as it would be inconvenient for him to eat out everyday.

    There was NEVER any question of an affair and she trusted him blindly and so continued living with him even after they had decided to separate. He took advantage of this blind trust and made her pay with her life for something she didn’t ever do. Amit not only cold bloodedly killed her but also maligned her even in death!!! As one of her closest friends, I want to make it clear to everyone that Rinku cared about Amit till the last day. He was the ONLY man she loved. Being an independent woman of the 21st century, she decided to opt out of a bad marriage but ONLY because they were not getting along together… NOT FOR ANY OTHER REASON!!!!

    ***

    XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

    Comment by Ankush — April 2, 2008 @ 10:33 pm | Reply

  79. Speechless..absolutely speechless Ankush. Every word in this letter resonates with ‘truth’. If after this, dense minds continue to elicit doubt, then they are best ignored.

    May she find everlasting peace..forever.

    Regards

    Kaveetaa

    Comment by kaveetaakaul — April 2, 2008 @ 11:10 pm | Reply

  80. Ankush .. First of all my heartfelt condolences for your sister. Honestly, Reading comment #78 was one of the toughest moments of my life. I cannot imagine how much low has our values stooped.. that you had to come out with such minute details about your dear sister.. Words are just not sufficient to reduce your grief. But I pray to God to give you and your family the strength to face this situation..

    Comment by Rajeev — April 2, 2008 @ 11:18 pm | Reply

  81. Ankush…You and your family keep fighting openly and loudly for Rinku regardless of what people might say. It’s idealistic to feel that it’s best to grieve silently and with dignity. However, there was no dignity even in death offered to Rinku. The only thing that she got was having her name sullied in the worst way, without having any chance to present her side of the story. Amit meanwhile even after murdering his wife in a slow and extremely brutal manner, wrote a note presenting himself as the victim. Unbelievable!

    This is why I didn’t even look at this story as a tragic loss of 2 lives, even before you posted this(and I believe everything in this…like I posted before, there’s no reason she’d have stayed with him unless she was trying to make the marriage work). I’m sorry if some find that callous that I don’t care about Amit. I’ve no sympathies or empathies for a killer, especially when he chose to kill a wife, whom he claimed to love so much, in such a brutal manner, and then conveniently presents himself as a victim.

    I don’t know what else to write. May God grant Rinku all the happiness and much more that she couldn’t get in the last few years of her life on earth.

    Comment by Sudhir — April 3, 2008 @ 12:42 am | Reply

  82. Tanya,

    Given the brick-bats you have received for your comments and especially when you have exhibited your talents for conspiracy theories such as “Isn’t it little surprising that the statement made by Bangalore police about the investigation got published only in one Mumbai Newspaper “mumbai mirror” – it is clear as day exactly who is ‘mis-interpreting facts and statements’.

    I agree with you on one point – ‘they are not worried about creating the right impression’. Amit’s family probably should because they come across as uncaring human beings without having expressed a word of sympathy for Rinku, except indirectly suggesting in other public forum notes that she was the cause of his misery in his life.

    Regardless of what Rinku may have done to Nidhi’s brother, AMIT, she certainly did not end his life. Shit happens in everybody’s life, you just have to be man enough to handle it. If nothing else atleast without killing another person.

    Even the families of virginia tech killings and mass murderers have expressed sorrow and sympathy for the victim’s families. So it is surprising how a family can completely shy away from expressing a word of sympathy in public.

    I don’t buy for a minute that you’re a serious journalist for reasons that are too many to enumerate. And, just in case you’re the spokesperson for Amit’s family, (given that you claim they are a ‘decent’ family and make blanket statements about their other public messages), the only people who will believe this total BS in the suicide note about the dowry case are those who are strangers to Rinku.

    The truth is playing itself out everyday. A woman’s friends from near and far are coming forward to attest to her strength in character. Nobody is doubting Amit’ intelligence which has been touted all about. But nobody also doubts that he is a murderer and hence will have nobody’s sympathies.

    Comment by Indica — April 3, 2008 @ 7:27 am | Reply

  83. Actually I take back my comment on the suicide note – I am an absolute stranger to Rinku and viceversa, but I never believed for a minute that she would have dragged amit’s family into court or that she cheated. It just doesn’t add up, sorry! Even to objective 3rd parties like myself.

    Comment by Indi_ca — April 3, 2008 @ 8:13 am | Reply

  84. so..just read some of the comments above…they are mostly in favour of rinku sachdev…
    i just read the case in some of the articles…on web..
    i guess its the same case of a 28 year woman who was having an affair with some guy and when his husband came to know about it…he killed her and then commited suicide…(hope i am correct)….

    well kaveeta …i think you started this blog about rinku..so just wish to ask u that people who dont know rinku personally…are allowed to write in this blog..coz..the name of the blog is..”rinku sachdev i knew”…but i dont know her much…and mostly it seems that rinku’s family members are writing in this blog…so do reply back soon ya..

    Comment by garima — April 3, 2008 @ 12:52 pm | Reply

  85. Being a technically strong,and good to all people around,doesn’t show that he was very nice to his wife. He has not given any chance to Rinku to write about,otherwise the scene may be different. He has written every thing bad about Rinku. don’t he has any bad qualities? People are cursing Arvind. Amit used Arvind’s name just to prove that he has done nothing wrong by killing Rinku .Thats really bad.I can understand Rinku’s situation.Anyways,
    At least by reading this post people should know who is right and who is wrong.

    Read all the comment .

    #33.Yes me too observed Amit eyes had manic look about him.And I told my wife also when i saw his pics first.

    #52.His Sister Nidhi made a profile “Tribute to Amit ” and a community “Memoirs of Amit Budhiraja” to prove him that he is right and Rinku is wrong.
    In orkut Nidhi deleted her Scrap from Rinku’s Scrapbook where she mentioned that “Brother must be in “Satve asaman” par because he got a girl like u.Love u”

    #53.Rinku was not wrong.I am sure Amit was smart enough .Just to prove himself right,me mentioned that “innocent guy’s” name.

    #66. Good one Kaveetaa ,After ur this post I guess Tanya gone to Bangalore kormangala police station to collect some more news ;-)

    #78. Speechless ….I guess after reading this everybody felt like crying..Thanks Ankush

    MAY HER SOUL REST IN PEACE and God gives strength to Sachdeva family and relatives

    Comment by Sagar — April 3, 2008 @ 6:54 pm | Reply

  86. Hi,

    I have been following to almost all the news after this tragic incident occured.
    Well..in my opinion,if there is truth in the letter published in comment #78.All my sympathies are with Rinku.
    Even if there is no truth,then also I would say,every person has a right to live life in his own way.If she was not happy with him,she decided to walk away.

    I dont buy that Amit really loved her.If a person loves someone so much that can give his life for her…can never maliign her image in front of the whole world.Till death,she was his wife.He was supposed to take care of her respect and dignity in front of everyone.
    If he decided to stay silent all these years on his disturbed marital relationship.He should have opted the same even after death.

    But my comments dont justify that he did the right thing..killing his wife and then taking his own life.

    Comment by Anonymous1 — April 3, 2008 @ 9:41 pm | Reply

  87. Thanks for the post Ankush. May God give you and family the serenity and strength to accept this unfortunate incident.

    Kaveeta,

    On proxy alibis..here i go…one does something wrong (in a fit of rage or whatever!!!)..feels guilty..does’nt accept what he or she has done..justifies his or her inappropriate action by conjuring a scenario, which is not there (the alleged affair!!)..and then creates an alibi (the suicide note!!!)to defend oneself against the world …..but then this individual is not a criminal..but what he did was criminal..so the guilt then makes him take his own life..jus way too sad!!!

    jus’ wonder how the human mind works and the pain it can cause

    Comment by Gaurav — April 3, 2008 @ 11:38 pm | Reply

  88. Thanks for the post Ankush. May God give you and family the serenity and strength to accept this unfortunate incident.

    Kaveeta,

    On proxy alibis..here i go…one does something wrong (in a fit of rage or whatever!!!)..feels guilty..does’nt accept what he or she has done..justifies his or her inappropriate action by conjuring a scenario, which is not there (the alleged affair!!)..and then creates an alibi (the suicide note!!!)to defend oneself against the world …..but then this individual is not a criminal..but what he did was criminal..so the guilt then makes him take his own life..jus way too sad!!!

    jus’ wonder how the human mind works and the pain it can cause

    God bless!
    gaurav

    Comment by Gaurav — April 3, 2008 @ 11:38 pm | Reply

  89. but then this individual is not a criminal..but what he did was criminal..so the guilt then makes him take his own life..jus way too sad!!!

    IMO, If he were truly repentant and hence wanted to take his own life too, he wouldn’t leave the bogus note behind which totally blames Rinku for all the actions. These are the actions of a paranoid, self absorbed, vindictive, and unrepentant person…nothing more, nothing less.

    Comment by Sudhir — April 3, 2008 @ 11:51 pm | Reply

  90. @Gaurav, Sudhir,

    why are we saying that he is not a criminal. The moment he took Rinku’s life, he became a criminal. Then he did another crime by taking his own life and that too writing a one sided suicide note. He escaped our judiciary by taking his own life. But as the saying goes “Bhagwan ke ghar der hai lekin ander hai”.. I am sure there is no way of escape there..

    Comment by Rajeev — April 4, 2008 @ 12:04 am | Reply

  91. Rajeev,

    I absolutely called Amit a criminal. He killed his wife in a horrifically brutal manner, and somehow portrayed himself as the victim. I’m amazed how people keep making excuses for him(even if she were cheating on him, even which by all accounts now looks like a figment of his own sick imaginations).

    All my posts I’ve said consistenly that I’ve no sympathies for him. The blurb I quoted at beginning of Post#89 is the one Gaurav posted (not I), to which I was responding to.

    Comment by Sudhir — April 4, 2008 @ 12:52 am | Reply

  92. I can’t believe that people are still debating the rubbish ‘alleged’ affair.
    I am really disappointed that the media will not cover the story anymore because the police have declared that Rinku was clean and that the relationship with her colleague was that of a friend “nothing more, nothing less”. So its not dirty and juicy enough to make it to the front page anymore. All those papers that printed the defamatory ‘affair’ angle have a moral obligation to run a front cover again to clear the name that they have muddied.
    I am sure that some respectable journalist is reading this right now. Show some courage and write a story to clear Rinku’s name. She cannot be lost in history as ‘that girl who her husband killed coz she was having an affair’. That is not fair. It does not do her justice. Her parents should not have to live with this.
    And those who are keen to stand up for Amit, it is your right to express yourself. But ask yourself this. If it were your sister or daughter, or even you, who had been murdered by Amit, what would your reaction be?

    Life is a circle. Be careful of what you put out there as it will come back to you.

    Comment by P Fernandes — April 4, 2008 @ 1:15 am | Reply

  93. Hi,
    In his Orkut profile, Amit had written that his idea of an “ideal” life partner is that (I) it (D)does (E)exist (A)after (L)life. When you really think about it, it’s eerie. I just wish someone from his family comes forward and publicly apologize to Rinku’s family.
    Why don’t Rinku’s family demand an apology? I know that it is not going to matter anymore but atleast it might clear Rinku’s name. Instead of mourning her death, her family should celebrate her life for the kind of person that she was.
    _ Rashmi

    Comment by Rashmi — April 4, 2008 @ 4:20 am | Reply

  94. Rashmi

    To be honest with you, we don’t have to CLEAR Rinku’s name and we do not need an APOLOGY from that Individuals parents either. What’s an apology from their mouth worth (just a few words of mumbo jumbo), I think we as a family need to apologize to Rinku in our prayers for not having been able to spot this monster and saved her from this barbaric act.

    I think this web site created by Kaveetaa , the wonderful letters written by her friends & the love and support we have received over the past 11 days is a testimony in itself of Rinku’s Character and good enough to CLEAR HER NAME, if there is anything like clearing someone’s name.

    As far a clearing Rinku name from the societal perspective, all I can say is that dad and mom did an excellent job in raising Rinku and gave her wings and an independent mind to fly in the direction she perceived as being correct in life. Even today after her death, we trust that her judgment on leaving that monster and her shitty marriage was absolutely correct and if she did find solace in talking with her close friends we stand by her.

    And lastly please refrain from giving us direction with words like (Instead of mourning her death, her family should celebrate her life for the kind of person that she was). There is no right or wrong way to deal with loss, we will find the best way possible in our hearts to honor or daughters/ sisters life.

    I hope I am not sounding rude, that’s not my intention, however I do thank you for your concern on Rinkus plight.

    Comment by Ankush — April 4, 2008 @ 5:38 am | Reply

  95. Hi Ankush,
    Very sorry if I hurt you or your family,that was not my intention. I live in USA & its a norm to celebrate life here. Sorry I didn’t know that my statement would hurt your sentiments.
    -Rashmi

    Comment by Rashmi — April 4, 2008 @ 7:16 am | Reply

  96. well it seems tape recorded conversations of rinku with her lover[s] have been recovered from amit’s laptop, and the police out here is investigating it. i live in koramangala btw. combine the humiliation and the alacrity with which rinku did it to amit, if we put in the dowry case, which, btw is a v v severe law in which amit and his parents go to jail with no hope for bail, what other recourse did amit have. if it was a marriage of 4-5 years, a divorce is cool. but you are just married and one has to go through such a severe rejection. i wonder what was rinku’s motive in marrying him. after all it was her choice. strange case. i feel it was positively a case of two people with a death wish who got together to achieve what they wanted. lets not glorify rinku or defend amit.

    Comment by apurva — April 4, 2008 @ 11:47 am | Reply

  97. @ Apurva ,

    first mind your language Rinku was not having any affair .(answer to ur sentence “well it seems tape recorded conversations of rinku with her lover[s] have been recovered from amit’s laptop, and the police out here is investigating it”).”DOWRY” word is used by Amit to safe his side.

    Comment by Sagar — April 4, 2008 @ 1:24 pm | Reply

  98. Apurva: if it was a marriage of 4-5 years, a divorce is cool.

    ========================

    Is that really what you think Apurva. After 4-5 years a divorce is ‘cool’. With statements like this, how can one take you seriously? Divorce is not ‘cool’. It causes a lot of pain to not only the spouses but entire families. That such a drastic step was being considered shows what a difficult situation it was. And if you read Ankush’s post above which gives all the details, you will see that divorce was in fact first suggested by Amit. Please take time to read carefully and have some idea of the facts before making a comment.

    **

    Apurva: if we put in the dowry case, which, btw is a v v severe law in which amit and his parents go to jail with no hope for bail, what other recourse did amit have.

    ===========

    The Indian police are one of the best in the world. It is not so easy to hoodwink them. Rinku’s family have maintained dignity even in this time. Do you really think they would pursue some nonsensical dowry case???

    And finally, please take time to reflect on this question – Do you really believe that murder and suicide – two of the greatest sins in this world are justifiable?

    Comment by P Fernandes — April 4, 2008 @ 1:54 pm | Reply

  99. Apurva,
    Here’s your question “I wonder what was rinku’s motive in marrying him. after all it was her choice.”.

    Reading everything, isn’t the answer obvious that Rinku loved Amit? Rinku was a very beautiful and successful girl. If she wanted to marry someone else do you think she would have a dearth of suitors? She wouldn’t even have had to leave Mumbai. Wouldn’t a girl ideally prefer that? She gave up everything to start life new just for Amit. It’s something that Amit with his ultra suspicous and paranoid mind never understood.

    As far as your other question which is full of unbased innuendeos, dumb statements, and ends with ‘what other recourse did he have’….all I’ll say is he could have killed himself if he felt so hopeless. Think about it…end of all his so called problems. However, just being paranoid and demented wasn’t enough for him. He had to be a control freak till the very end, which meant taking her life too.

    You just seem to be totally stupid though and these things will probably go over your head….Divorce is cool after 4-5 years???? She was on a death wish??? I guess you want it both ways. You want a wife to work through her husband’s abuse, yet if she gets killed in the process, then she was on a deathwish too. Please post again when you are sober. If this is your normal state of mind though, I pity your wife or whoever you’ll marry.

    Comment by Sudhir — April 4, 2008 @ 7:12 pm | Reply

  100. A TRIBUTE TO RINKU SACHDEV

    Slowly the reality is sinking in our heads that our beloved Rinku is no more and we will never be able to see her again. We will never hear her laughter any more. She was so full of life that she spread cheers all around her. She loved to dance and was always the first person to be a charm of any party.

    We could have never imagined in our wildest dreams that Rinku’s life would be cut-off so abruptly. She was cold bloodedly murdered by her husband Amit Budhiraja on 22nd March 2008 in Bangalore, not giving her any chance to defend herself. Adding insult to the injuries the news channels in the electronic media cooked up stories with masala based on suicide note (not necessarily based on facts) of Amit which was well planned but based on suspicion and imagination of an insane person having an evil mind. The electronic media only helped Amit in achieving his goal of maligning the name of our daughter Rinku who did not deserve this rubbish at all.

    If Rinku had been alive and this incidence would have happened to any one known to her, she would have gone all out to fight these channels and made them apologize to the public. She was the kind of person who would not tolerate any injustice to anyone. This is the least we are now expecting from the media to put forward the facts of the case. Otherwise people will loose faith in those channels. To restore its credibility we appeal to the media who telecasted those stories to come forward and give true version of the case.

    To give a fitting Tribute to our beloved daughter Rinku, we have decided to establish “RINKU SACHDEV FOUNDATION” a charity organization which will help all women who are falling prey to this male dominated society, who need help and guidance to save their lives. We would like to seek the help of Psychiatrists, Marriage counselors and other social workers to come forward and be part of this foundation. This will be a real Tribute to our dear daughter Rinku. We would not like any more Rinkus to die in the hands of monsters.

    Rinku, we all love you very much and you will always remain in our memories. Your spirit will never die and will always inspire us to make this world much better to live.

    We take this opportunity to thank all those who stood by us in this time of crisis, fully supported her for her values and ridiculed her character assassination because they knew what was right and what was wrong.

    Parents of Rinku Sachdev

    Comment by Harish Sachdev — April 4, 2008 @ 8:27 pm | Reply

  101. There seems to be an organization named “Rakshak Foundation” which seems to have sent the letter to the highest authorities in India about this incident and it’s relation to the IPC-498a. Their approach seems to be neutral, but still strong.

    http://www.rakshakfoundation.org/publications/documents/Rakshak%20-%20Letter%20-%20Bangalore_InfosysTechieSuicide(public).pdf

    Try to copy paste the link if clicking on it does not work.

    Sonal

    Comment by Sonal D. — April 5, 2008 @ 1:22 pm | Reply

  102. humm…. I am a feminist and have been working towards women rights for a long time. Going through the posts here raises some very relevant questions.

    1) Several people have written: how can anyone ever justify a murder (wife murdered by husband)?

    What about Kiranjit Ahluwalia who murdered her husband, later she was set free with the help of feminists like us. She could have just walked away from her husband, isn’t it? Why did she murder her husband? Just the same way Amit could have walked away from marriage, why murder her. Why is Kiranjit brave victim (even though she killed her husband) and Amit a insane murderer?

    Media made her a heroine. Indian goverment honored her (by PM), people made film on her, shows how it is justified to murder your husband in cold blood and still be seen victim.

    Just the way Kaveetaa is showing Rinku’s version, did anyone care to show the version of Kiranjit Ahluwalia’s husband’s version?

    Why these double standards….

    Comment by Vijay Sharma — April 5, 2008 @ 2:05 pm | Reply

  103. Sonal…once again the Dowry thing rears it head. Read through the posts, especially the ones by Rinku’s brother in law and parents. She was trying her best to make the marriage work, and gave up only when she knew there was no recourse, and plans were already ongoing for divorce. She even opted to stay with him to cook meals for him, while the proceedings took its course. Does that look like a woman who would have ever put a false dowry case? The only person who mentions dowry is Amit, and even he says it’s his ‘intuition’. Why keep retreatding what a twisted and sick person wrote?

    The false dowry issue is a real issue, however, don’t bring up this issue with this murder when facts and common sense don’t support that.

    Comment by Sudhir — April 5, 2008 @ 6:50 pm | Reply

  104. Vijay…I’ve worked for woman’s rights and also men’s rights (look at child custody laws which is very unfair for men). However, don’t lump every situation together and start comparing apples and oranges.

    Not justifying Kiranjeet’s actions, because there’s always a better solution than murder, regardless of how many times the system has failed you. However, at least you can see why she felt she was left with no choice (still not condoning). Is your analysis so simpleminded that you cannot see the glaring difference in this case? Any you claim to have worked for women’s rights? Amit was the one who asked for divorce, and Rinku agreed to it. He later came back and apologized, and she agreed, but then again thought of divorce only when she realized that it just wasn’t working out. Where do you even see that she was the type of person who’d have put a false dowry charge on him or was trying to hang onto him? What was the overriding reason for him to kill her other than his sick control freak personality manifesting itself till the very end? So why compare it to the KA case?

    People who are out to believe in Amit want it both ways. They want to believe that Rinku wanted to have an affair outside marriage because she didn’t like Amit. Yet she would file false charges against him to force him to stay with her???? This from a successful, beautiful girl from a very affluent family, whose family had already given the go ahead to divorce Amit, but she decided to give it one more shot because she really loved her husband? She paid for that love. She should be held to the highest standards of womanhood, rather than be maligned like this.

    Comment by Sudhir — April 5, 2008 @ 7:03 pm | Reply

  105. I can understand what Vijay is trying to say here. But one has to look at what women have gone through for hundreds of years in the male dominated society. They have to be protected from the claws of men who think wife is their personal property.

    I followed the link to Rakshak and saw another interesting website, which seems to be highlighting the misuse of dowry laws. The website is: http://www.498a.org

    The site does represents only one side of the picture, the other side of the picture is absent. They are garnering support for husband’s families alleged to be harassed by wife’s family.

    Society seems to have changed a lot in last few years, but condition of women needs to strengthen lot more, so they do not suffer in the hands of their husbands.

    - Sonal

    Comment by Sonal D. — April 6, 2008 @ 10:39 am | Reply

  106. Hmmm,,,So kaveeta didnt replied to my previous blog in which i have asked for permission for writin gin this blog, Anyways,i dont have any relation with rinku or amit,nor i know any of them personally.But knowing all facts about the case,i can say its not about blaming any of them for any reason .

    [edited..pl moderate your words..they are unfair and accusatory}

    Comment by garima — April 6, 2008 @ 12:22 pm | Reply

  107. Garima,

    It is better you do not make any comments if you do not know the facts.Words written by an Insane person does not warrant any justification from any quarters.Do not go by what his parents say as they would like to justify what their son has done and to save their own skin. Please do something better than giving your judgement on the matter you do not know anything about. Hope better sense will prevail.

    Comment by HS — April 6, 2008 @ 2:27 pm | Reply

  108. TO HS
    I hope you know that i have full right to speech by law,so my point of view really matters.and for your kind information,i have analyzed the case in a factual manner than any of the comments given above.And i have not justified anything for any of them..

    [Edited..no personal attacks allowed..feel free to express your opinions..but derogatory judgements on conjectures will be edited out]

    Comment by garima — April 6, 2008 @ 2:54 pm | Reply

  109. HS,

    Quite Interesting comments….. Are’nt you making sweeping judgement when you say “words written by an insane person does not warrent….’.

    [edited..please publish your 498a rant on your site]

    Comment by Vijay Sharma — April 6, 2008 @ 2:58 pm | Reply

  110. [edited..please do not use this as a platform for 498a rants or an excuse to hit out at Rinkus parents.. it will not be tolerated.No judgements please]

    Comment by mohit — April 6, 2008 @ 4:37 pm | Reply

  111. { edited- multiple identities}

    Comment by mohit — April 6, 2008 @ 6:10 pm | Reply

  112. [ edited..multople identities..repeated copy pasting of same comments}

    Comment by mohit — April 6, 2008 @ 6:12 pm | Reply

  113. [ edited..multiple identities..]

    Comment by mohit — April 6, 2008 @ 6:16 pm | Reply

  114. [edited..you are using multiple identities from the same ip address}

    Comment by mohit — April 6, 2008 @ 6:29 pm | Reply

  115. { edited..This is the third identity from the same address..last warning or your ip address will be exposed and blocked}

    Comment by shivam — April 6, 2008 @ 6:31 pm | Reply

  116. Harish ji and Beenu ji,

    Frankly I dont know where to start and what to say. If words have the power to convey then all I wish to express is solidarity with you in every emotion that you might be passing through as also to assure you that you are not alone.

    Your initiative for the Foundation is a brave and brilliant idea. Needless to add that I will be there behind you like a rock whenever needed.

    Warm regards

    Kaveetaa

    Comment by kaveetaakaul — April 6, 2008 @ 9:15 pm | Reply

  117. Kaveetaa,

    From the bottom of my heart, I thank you for helping rinkus family in this time of need to come out with the true version of what transpired between rinku and amit.. was a very close friend of rinku and it is troubling to read all the crap that people write about rinku..i cant even imagine what her family was going through..

    I have been speaking to her sister our common friends and everything that has been mentioned in Ankush’s post is true to the very core.. hurts a lot reading it..but am glad its finally out in the open.. its the least we could do for rinku…

    Thank you again Kaveetaa…

    Comment by Anonymous — April 6, 2008 @ 10:52 pm | Reply

  118. I cannot believe the sickness of the hate brigade. I do not even know where to begin…..

    A poor girl was murdered when she was asleep – in cold blood. What sort of a person does that? Yet you will take words written in the suicide note as the absolute truth. Do you not even want to hear Rinku’s side of the story? She is not here to defend herself, but when her loved ones are trying to give us a complete picture, why not give them a chance.
    And even so, who are you to judge?? Are you God? Because only God, Amit and Rinku know what happened in those terrible violent final moments of her young life.
    Don’t judge so harshly because life has a funny way of turning around and biting you where it hurts. I sincerely hope that those people cheering the murderer and degrading a dead victim do not have to find out the hard way what Rinku went through and what her family will go through for every day for the rest of their lives.

    Please show some respect and empathy. Someone’s soul is searching for peace.

    Comment by P Fernandes — April 7, 2008 @ 12:21 am | Reply

  119. Hi,

    First of all, my deepest and heartfelt sympathy to dear Rinku and her family. I was not one of her close friends but knew her through her sister & her family, who are really dear to me. I first met her at her sisters wedding and we became friends, exchanged mails, got to know her more through her sister and even more when she visited us in Chicago. Through whatever I knew about her, I can vouch for a fact that the way her name has been maligned is just not true & unfair. It was just a cover up story by some coward who could not make his marriage work and instead of calling quits and walking out of it, did something barbaric which only some psychopath can think of and do.

    I know what a bad marriage is like and how frustrating life could be if you are in one. I had come very close to taking up my life having been in a really perturbed situation, don’t know if I really had the courage but the point being, never ever had I thought of taking my spouse’s life. Even though in Rinku’s case it was not her decision to take her life, witnessing how it impacts the family and how they suffer the loss, I strongly discourage anyone who even thinks of committing a suicide. I now am recently divorced. And right until the point we got divorced, me and my family had all kinds of possible threats including the fear Amit had. Does that mean one should adapt the solution Amit set for us? What a bad example to set and those who justify him being right and that he had no alternate choice, should introspect themselves and I honestly pity their wives (or wives to be) and question their values which also reflect the way they were brought up. I wonder if they would say the same thing if their sister or daughter was in Rinku’s shoes. I wanna know if they would still feel what Amit did was justifiable. I am sure those double standard hypocrites would turn around in a jiffy.

    Also from the letter that Ankush had posted from Rinku’s friend, it clearly shows that Amit was one of those guys who not only wanted a arm candy wife, but also someone career oriented and submissive ‘ghunghat’ bearer indoors… although does not look like he could swallow the fact that her wife was praised and was doing so well in her career. Knowing Rinku, she was focused and very driven in her career and at the same time not a compromising wife. She was way in over her head about it and tried to maintain a good balance. And expecting a working wife in our culture, the remaining cooperation has to come from the husband which she was lacking.

    Lastly I admire the friends Rinku have. I am amazed and salute all those who have put in efforts and dedicated this site to her. It just goes to show that relations she had were not frivolous and people truly love and care about her. And finally my sincere apologies as I would have like to post this earlier than now.

    May your soul rest in peace. This should not have happened at the expense of your life but I hope that all women who are in your shoes learn a lesson from yours and such a shameful act does not repeat again.

    Saurin

    Comment by Saurin — April 7, 2008 @ 11:23 am | Reply

  120. Yesterday, One more unfortunate incident has happened in west bengal. In this case, the couple had a kid and that guy tried to kill him too.It looks dowry was the reason for this.. Very sad and unfortunate..

    http://www.telegraphindia.com/1080408/jsp/calcutta/story_9107289.jsp

    Comment by Rajeev — April 9, 2008 @ 1:30 am | Reply

  121. It was so sad hearing this incident that such a nice and beautiful couple who are looking so ravishing and full of life in the pics were actually having such a sorrowful and painful life. My heartful condolences for both the family of amit and rinku budhiraja. I am not so inclined towards commenting on anyone’s personal life nor i am aware of aim of publishing these articles over net. The story seems to be just like as we see in the movies,but there we do not realise what it feels when it actually happen in reality.We find it pretty easy to accept that the girl was unfaithful so she was bound to be killed by her husband in movie and same is the case here.I dont mean it is acceptable but still it is not right to betray.Though the case finding are incomplete, bangalore police is quite busy with some other urgent case and no further outcome of case has come up.The hard disc of laptop crashed but it can be retrieved i guess by proffessionals and we will know the actual reason of their death,what was so painful to hear in that conversation that drived amit to commit suicide and kill her wife.Lets pray for both of them to have peace and hope truth prevails!!

    Comment by samarpit jain — April 11, 2008 @ 2:41 pm | Reply

  122. Pretty ridiculous comment. Dont try and shroud your true intentions whoever you are.. although I have a clear indication you are Tanya and company. You seem to know the diary of the Bangalore police and what they are ‘busy with’?? And yet claim to know little of this story? Who are you kidding? Your veiled assumptions and insinuations have not gone down well with me.

    You want gossip ..go to some other site..the net is replete with them.. First and last warning to this ip address.

    Comment by kaveetaakaul — April 11, 2008 @ 3:31 pm | Reply

  123. are you a family friend of rinku..
    hmm dats y ur so inclined to protect their image..!!…lol

    Comment by silky — April 11, 2008 @ 8:04 pm | Reply

  124. I am nobody..perhaps just a cog in the wheel.

    The point is ..who are you..? Human?

    Doubtful ..considering you can punctuate your comment with a ‘lol’.

    It certainly is no laughing matter for me and scores of others who have commented/read here.

    Comment by kaveetaakaul — April 11, 2008 @ 8:14 pm | Reply

  125. [ Edited..]

    Comment by silky — April 11, 2008 @ 8:20 pm | Reply

  126. I really don’t know why this particular tragic incident has deeply pained me so much though personally neither i knew Rinku or Amit or their family members. I feel sorry for the family members of both of them. But more painful than the tragedy is the way Rinku is being killed online again and again. I just can’t understand the crooked minds of all those who are glorifying amit’s act as if he is a martyr and this all shows that there are many more Amits in this country. So Harish Sachdevji’s decision to start a charity organisation in the name of his beloved daughter is justified as there are many Amits in our country and we cannot afford to lose any more Rinkus. And i’m sure there is no reason why Harishji can’t implement this novel idea when there are true friends like kaveetaakaul who is standing firmly like a rock defending Rinku. Hats off to her!!

    Comment by Adesh — April 11, 2008 @ 9:33 pm | Reply

  127. I don’t know both Rinku or Amit but don’t know why I am drawn to this case so much so that it has affected me at a very personal level. The characters(Amit and Rinku’s) described by the friends and family sound very familiar to me. The excerpts of Amit’s last letter, his poems and the painful experiences Rinku’s friend posted undoubtedly tells a thousand words. I am 100% sure that this is purely a matter of heart and both loved each other enough. I can tell this with this much certainty because In my own case my husband is an introvert like that of Amit and I can relate very well to this case. Somehow we have overcome that phase of life where the ‘unspeakable’ did not happen. What saddens me most in this case is – this situation could have been avoided had there been more communication channel. It was undoubtedly true that both Rinku and Amit loved each other very much but the communication gap/ego between them prevented them to express so. I wish they had an heart to heart conversation at some point of time… I have seen marriages in the recent decade falling to a degree that husband and wife both no longer trust each other in many ways. Both hold separate accounts and both confine themselves to their own family/friends and closely guard it. They share house hold expanses like room mates. If the wife is earning enough she is expected to share all the expanses and at some corner of his heart the husband is jealous that she is independent. He secretly wishes her to be out of her job so that she could submit herself completely. I am writing this from my own experience. In our parents generation this was not the case, both treated their in-laws family with respect and accepted their family as their own. I really regret this is happening to our Indian society. I wish there are some serious awareness generated to avoid such situation.

    Comment by a follower — April 12, 2008 @ 1:08 am | Reply

  128. I have a question regarding the organization that Mr.Harish Sachdeva is planning to organize : Certainly such an organization will be helpful to helpless women who suffer at the hands of their husbands. But what about self-employed, confident young women like Rinku ? What I mean is, Rinku was already being proactive about her situation and it appears that she approached the right people – marriage counsellors, his family and her family. Yet this happened, not because of her helplessness but perhaps because even she had not suspected that her husband could actually kill her. If she was a victim of constant domestic violence and atleast one failed murder attempt, it seems unlikely she would have chosen to stay in the house or in the marriage.

    So, how does the organization propose to help people in such situations ?

    I have seen a friend stuck with a husband like Amit and it ended in divorce. To a detail, people like him have clear expectations that their wife should be house-bound, ‘homely’, ‘conservative’ , dependent on him, preferably should have only female friends etc. Would counseling future couples to talk more about their partner’s expectations be the solution ?

    Comment by Indi_Ca — April 12, 2008 @ 2:33 am | Reply

  129. From every angle Rinku seemed perfect wife whose life was cut short just because she married budhiraj idiot. My sympathy to her parents. Least budhiraj’s can do if they have any shame is apologize for their son’s actions

    Comment by Jatinder Singh Dhaliwal — April 12, 2008 @ 9:41 pm | Reply

  130. Since I barely follow daily news, I heard about Rinku only days after her horrific murder. I knew Rinku during our Xavier’s days. I still remember the last time I met her – she was outside a Mumbai college about to give an entrance exam for management studies – way back in 2003, I think. We had common friends, weren’t close as such, just knew her socially. But she was definitely a lively soul — I still recall the sound of her voice and her enthusiasm.

    RIP, Rinku — you will be missed. To her family and friends, keep the faith!

    Comment by Jayashree — April 14, 2008 @ 2:43 am | Reply

  131. With all the love I see for her and her family I don’t think it’s right to say Rinku is dead. She is alive in millions of girls who are as aspiring, loving and down to earth sacrificing for near and dear ones. As her father said, we have to proactively help other women who are in similar situation

    Comment by Jatinder Singh Dhaliwal — April 14, 2008 @ 6:37 am | Reply

  132. I think Amit cared for his parents he was worried that they might be jailed perhaps his wife might have threatened him, Intelligent that he was, he must have thought about all legal ramifications and then taken decision.

    What I am worried is biased laws should be changed or people caught in such situations should be provided alternative.

    I mean does any husband have choice of walking out of such situations ?

    Comment by wise_man — April 14, 2008 @ 1:29 pm | Reply

  133. Dear Ankush, I have been following this case since the tragedy has happened. It somehow strikes a sensitive cord somewhere with me. So, I read and re-read the letter that you have posted which has been sent by one of Rinku’s friends. I greatly appreciate it and it throws enough light into what has really happened. I empathize with your family and friends. NOTHING EVER JUSTIFIES A MURDER – AN AFFAIR OR NOT. Especially in this case when they agreed to part their ways amicably. I also follow postings on other sites and feel there are few contradictions on the facts stated in this letter and what has been said earlier. As Rinku has been sharing her day to day experience with her friends, Amit expressed this to no one. So, we will never get to know how he felt about this whole thing. A guy like Amit who is so successful in life, to end his life the way he did there has to be some missing link that we have no clue about. Just imagine if he had been your brother or family how you would perceive the case. By all means this is Amit’s fault for doing such a heinous crime, but what triggered him to take such a step is a big question. Even when he contacted the counseller on friday after getting this alleged conversation – he had then no plans to kill her or himself.
    When Rinku tells her friends that she went to Muscat to discuss about divorce, why did she expect Amit to call her to find out how is everything. WHy is she complaining that he talked to her only twice in those 5 days. how many times a husband should call his wife knowing that she has gone to discuss divorce? This is little strange for me to understand.
    Also in another instance Rinku mentioned that they were in the middle of some arguement and he gets a phone call from someone he did not hear for a long time and ignores her and goes to talk to his friend. Just think what you would do in that particular instance. We all fight at home but in front of strangers we show a pleasant smily face and continue fighting after they are gone. I think that is exactly what Amit did and why Rinku had to go and interrupt him asking to complete the fight? Of course Amit should not have slapped her…

    Again in this letter it is stated that Rinku helped AMit furnishing the flat they bought together. And in some other message list its stated that Rinku’s mother accused AMit of ‘not showing Rinku the apartment he had built’. If he did not show her the apartment how was she furnishing it together with Amit?
    These are some of the things bothering my mind. May be it does to others as well. SO, I feel equally sad that no body will ever come to know AMit’s side of story. Why they had frequent fights. It can’t be always his fault…

    Comment by anonymous — April 14, 2008 @ 9:52 pm | Reply

  134. Wise_Man (Foolish_Man, suits you better, try changing it, you might feel more in your own skin with that name change)

    Couple of Things:

    Intelligent ———-Spouse Murderer——–That indeed seems like an INTELLIGENT combination.

    Cared for his parents——–You must be kidding me, his INTELLIGENT DECISION of murdering his wife has left his parents being cared for in a big way after his death, you dense head. Do you think “They must be crying their eyes off” and thinking wowwww OUR SON CARED FOR US, that’s why he had to kill his wife and then kill himself.

    Choices of walking out of the situation———- May be the most obvious choice would have been to USE HIS LEGS and WALK OUT of the Marriage. Or may be the INTELLIGENT MAN had a brain freeze and decided that killing his wife and killing himself was easier, than using his legs to walk out.

    Perhaps his wife had threatened him———Perhaps you should crack open your dense head and see if there is really a brain there or just a plastic bag reeking of rotten things like being a male chauvinist pig, intellectually challenged, murdering psychotic maniac, delusional idiot, oh forget it why waste more time on such an INTELLEGENT DENSE HEAD.

    One INTELLIGENT advice for you DON’T MARRY, and if you already have, dispose of yourself in the best way you can – try walking out of the marriage rather than following the choice your INTELLIGENT MAN laid down for us. Or may be just wrap yourself in a garbage bag and put yourself down the shoot.

    I regret having to write such stuff on Sachiniti …………………………………

    Comment by STOP_THIS_CRAP — April 14, 2008 @ 10:24 pm | Reply

  135. @anonymous,

    The questions you have asked in your post fit more for a detective and less for a common man.. Why dont you join RAW and do some indepth analysis about pakistan, terrorism etc.. It will help all of us..

    Comment by Rajeev — April 15, 2008 @ 12:13 am | Reply

  136. Dear Anonymous

    I find you pulling loopholes in the letter written by Rinkus friend a bit petty, but I will still comment on them, as you seem to be questioning Rinkus integrity in many comments in your blog #134. Thank you for condolences on our plight, but I guess lets get back to your tricky questions/comments:

    You talk about a “Missing Link” from Amit’s side, in the story. My response to that it, whatever may be the missing link to the story, it really does not justify murdering your wife. So honestly, who cares about the missing link, may be you do. He could have infinite reasons for killing his wife, not one of them would justify him murdering her. Not even his hallucination that we would do something as crass as false allegations of dowry could justify his act.

    His idiotic statements on this issue has hit a sour cord with us as we do not come from the background where we would stoop to the level of making any false allegations. We have our morality and self respect intact. I am sure he was lacking those qualities when he callously mentioned in his dying love letter (where he professes his love for her – what a joke) that he “Thought” that we might follow that path of dowry allegation for getting back at him.

    You said “What Could Have Triggered Him To Do This Act”. My response to that is, his desire for committing murder and getting a thrill out of the control he had on her life till her last breath and justifying it as acceptable in his mind based on perceived infidelity and his delusional ideas on us threatening him with dowry, would have triggered him to kill his wife. Now what’s important to think here is what kind of person justifies an act of this sort as being triggered by something. If something can trigger you to murder, then you need help in a big way.

    You also mention “A Guy Like Amit Who Is So Successful In Life’ . I was kind of perplexed with that statement, how would you characterize a guy like him being successful in life, you must be really setting some low standards on that.

    You mention “He Contacted A Counselor”, I think this is based on the Mid Day article where this Raouel guy (who is supposedly Amits Work Buddy) says that he forwarded Amit a contact of a counselor, this article was accompanied with the counselors picture.

    We contacted the actual counselor that Rinku and Amit had been speaking with, and the counselor told us in these words “Amit seemed very controlling and short tempered in his approach towards his marriage issues”. As far as I am concerned if Amit was contacting a different counselor for some reason, one day before the murder, whom we don’t know even exists, what comment could I give you on that scenario.

    On Rinkus Muscat trip, she had gone to talk to her parents about the problems she was facing in her marriage. Divorce was one option that she was still hesitant in taking, though Amit had callously used the Threat for Divorce many times in his fights with Rinku.

    Rinku had mentioned to me that, she had mentioned the following to Amit “Amit when I am ready for a divorce I will ask for it only once and I will mean it, rather than keep on callously using it as a threat the way you do when we have an argument”. She had gone to Muscat to talk to her parents and get clarity on the different ways she had approached to resolve the marital discord and ask them if there was any thing else she could do to resolve her issues.

    Again Divorce was last resort. She had not gone there to discuss Divorce, please clear that from your head. This is what Rinkus friend wrote in the letter :“She had by then told her parents about her marital problems and decided to go for a few days to them to personally let them know that she was planning to work on it as she knew how worried they would be about her”.

    So please do not twist words. Read the letter again, if need be.

    On how many times a husband should call, I guess calling once in 5 days to check on your wife to see if she has reached safely is also enough, but to wait for your wife to call you first cause you have a bloated ego and then after her trying numerous times to get in touch with you, to give her a cold shoulder, that’s different thing.

    Lets say he should have called only once in 5 days, still when he called he could have been civil if she was being the same. Unless obviously his male ego needed her to apologize to him thousand times before he started talking to her properly, which I guess Rinku had got accustomed to doing for a year and a half. And apologize for what, I guess an apology is needed to go and meet your parents for 5 days in Muscat to talk about marital issues.

    Lastly, your comment on Rinku’s Mother accusing Amit of ‘Not Showing Rinku The Apartment He Had Built’. The last time Rinku saw the New Apartment was may be 4 months ago before her death. He had mentioned to her that her she need not go to the new apartment any more as she was too picky on her choice’s of the way the house should be furnished. However he did not have any problem in using the money she was bringing home to furnish the flat. Rinku mentioned to us that he considered it his flat, his car, his life, his job. I guess you can see the pattern. But I guess the fact that it was ‘Their marriage’ was lost somewhere in his self obsessed mind.

    Anyways, I hope I have covered your Loopholes in the letter posted by Rinkus friend. Please do not hesitate in asking me about any more Loopholes. However I would think it would be prudent to look at the larger picture that he killed his wife and justified it with his suicide love letter he left for everyone to read.

    Lastly, no comments on your questions relating to the issue where he raised his hand. That’s for all to judge, your reasoning made no sense to me. So I can’t say much beyond that. For that matter most of the stuff mentioned by you seemed petty to me, but I had to respond.

    Comment by Ankush — April 15, 2008 @ 1:16 am | Reply

  137. Well thanks for responding to my question I really appreciate your responses. But try to practice what you preach to respond with politeness – I think being polite is too difficult for you. And stop over empowering any inquisitive mind by indulging into un-necessary verbal duels with using/misusing your adjective stocks like ‘petty’ and ‘low standard’. I appreciate your response and let all the other ‘common men’ with simpler brain like single celled amoeba who can’t be part of ‘RAW’ be a big part of the mud slinging game.

    Comment by anonymous — April 15, 2008 @ 2:03 am | Reply

  138. @Rajeev,

    The points raised by “anonymous” are valid. You really need to be practical to understand his viewpoint. No person would remain cool & calm when s/he apprehend that they are heading for a mess!

    Anyway, I personally don’t buy the “Rinku as I knew her” part of Post#78. To me it’s more like a biography, kinda PR campaign to improve Rinku’s image. Well, as they say, all autobiographies are lies, and biographies are double lies! It’s unnecessary. Sachdeva family really don’t need to convince all the 6.6 billion people, including 1.3 billion net users. You can’t stop speculation. The truth will never be known.

    This kind of incident could have been avoided had there been prolonged intervention from their parents (of both A & R) and with a little help from a marriage counsellor or psychologist, but NOT friends. It’s a clear case of communication breakdown. Anyway, nothing justifies a murder.

    My deepest sympathy to both the family.
    -T.M.

    Comment by T.M. — April 15, 2008 @ 2:15 am | Reply

  139. @TM,

    I dont agree with the point that the points raised by anonymous are valid. Even if you dont agree with point 78, a number of Rinku’s friends have written here and this also shows what type of woman she was. and i think the info is sufficient to draw one’s inference on the case. it is painful to see that bloggers are still asking for rinku’s near and dear ones to clarify more things.. Inspite of the fact that they never knew amit or rinku.. So before all praticality concepts, first we should keep in mind that they are in grief for the loss.. . and their emotions take precedence over all others..

    Comment by Rajeev — April 15, 2008 @ 2:37 am | Reply

  140. I think it is Rinku who is the culprit, She was staying seperately and speaking with her boy friend, that is bad, Amit did the right thing

    Comment by Guru — April 15, 2008 @ 8:12 am | Reply

  141. Guru.. I think you are taking your alias too seriously. Spare us ‘gyan’ and judgements of your kind .We can do without it. You go ahead and live your life according to your set of rules where ‘right thing’ also includes ‘murder’!! Unbelieveable!!

    Comment by kaveetaakaul — April 15, 2008 @ 8:20 am | Reply

  142. Kaveetaa. All culprits have to get punishment, I really feel sorry for Amit being dead, Read Gita and you will change yourself. God have mercy on you for publishing wrong details.

    Comment by Guru — April 15, 2008 @ 10:50 pm | Reply

  143. Guru, like you feel sorry for Amit being dead, I kinda feel sorry for you being alive. Try this today, scroll all the way to the top of this page and look at Rinku’s picture (don’t just look at it, see it with your eyes open). Then go back home and look at yourself in the mirror, do a self introspect, and may be you will really detest what you see in the mirror.

    Then read the Bhagwat Gita again, this time with knowing what a crass human being you are. May be Lord Krishana will whisper something in your ear that will convince you that you should make your existence on earth as brief as possible. And if you do wish to extend your waste of a life, the lord might plead you to cut all contact from human existence. May peace be with you, and if peace decides to leave you then there’s no telling what could help you anymore.

    Comment by STOP_THIS_CRAP — April 16, 2008 @ 12:12 am | Reply

  144. My condolences to both the famility.
    Let do something so another incident like this does not happen.

    Let write to the Government to go to the ROOT CAUSE rather than the consequences of the REAL ISSUE

    Comment by Shani — April 16, 2008 @ 12:13 am | Reply

  145. My condolences to both the familites.
    Let do something so another incident like this does not happen.

    Let write to the Government to go to the ROOT CAUSE rather than the consequences of the REAL ISSUE

    Comment by Shani — April 16, 2008 @ 12:13 am | Reply

  146. Guru… Kaveetaa won’t need mercy of GOD. GOD appreciate helping others.

    Suppose if the allegations mentioned in the suicide note are false then all the MEN who are passing negative comments on Rinku certainly need GOD’s mercy. (I believe the allegations are false).

    Are all the culprits getting punishment?

    - 10 year old girl gang raped and murdered by her father’s friends.
    - 2 years old girl raped by murdered
    - New bride burnt alive (dowry harassments)
    - Abortions (because it is baby girl)

    Comment by Rahul — April 16, 2008 @ 12:24 am | Reply

  147. @TM….You said that you don’t believe anything that Rinku’s B-in-law posted. That’s your prerogative. There’s ONE TRUTH though that you and people supporting Amit conveniently avoid. Amit MURDERED Rinku. Didn’t Amit self-servingly publish a 6-page suicide note blaming Rinku for all the problems? Did he give Rinku a chance to defend her reputation in public? Therefore,I have no problems with Rinku’s parents telling her side of the story. No one had any problems running off and painting Amit as the poor victim, when this initially happened. How fair was that?

    Ultimately this kind of incident can’t be stopped. Only thing that will stop it is if the wife or husband walks out at the first sign of abuse (and it’s obvious that Rinku was living in an abusive relationship). However, most of us are not conditioned to break a marriage, and will try to make it work like Rinku did.

    Comment by Sudhir — April 16, 2008 @ 2:19 am | Reply

  148. [Edited - Last warning ]

    Comment by guru — April 16, 2008 @ 2:23 am | Reply

  149. @guru,

    I think you are confused between reality and fantasy..If you go through the posts, it is quite evident that there are no false claims in that.. No one can fabricate things with so much precision.. Now, regarding your mention of published stuff.. I am not sure you are referring to what published stories.. Also refrain from using generic stuff like this story and that story.. Even if you do not believe in any of the posts written above, still by Indian law, committing a murder and commiting suicide are punishable crimes. So by prima facie evidence amit is a criminal. Now if you want to sympathise with criminals, then its solely your problem.. Also you claim to have read the holy gita.. so you should be aware that you are no body to send anyone to hell. The statement about “Rinku wanted” is objectionable.. Did you knew either of them before? No I dont think so.. Then on what basis you say that she wanted this and that.. So leave aside your self righteousness and would request you to see the case with open mind.. Good luck and take care..

    Comment by Rajeev — April 16, 2008 @ 6:37 am | Reply

  150. [ Edited... Your comments are derogatory, accusatory and defiling. Wonder which version of the Bhagwad Gita you claim to have read..definitely not the One revered]

    Comment by Guru — April 16, 2008 @ 7:09 am | Reply

  151. Hi Kaveetaa

    I have sent a mail across to you at kaveetaakaul@hotmail.com (the mail address you have pointed to on this web site). Could you pls check it and respond back to me. I’m not sure if you check that mailbox. Thanks a ton.

    Ankush

    Comment by Ankush — April 16, 2008 @ 7:58 am | Reply

  152. For Sudhir (reply to post #148),

    Please read my post (139) again. I wasn’t defending Amit. I expressed my deepest sympathy to both the family. My only point was that this world don’t buy one-sided view as those are deliberate lies. Please note: Amit wasn’t a professional killer but has committed “TWO MURDER” that night! It’s clear example of severe psychological breakdown over a period of time. The result is unfortunate but could have been avoided. Calling either of them as “monster” or “culprit” is just premature conclusion.

    I also don’t agree with you that “Ultimately this kind of incident can’t be stopped.” Well, it can be stopped and that why we have parents, and professionals like marriage councilors and psychologists/psychiatrists in the society.

    Communication is the key.
    -T.M.

    Comment by T.M. — April 16, 2008 @ 1:34 pm | Reply

  153. @TM…TM, you and others, who claim that you have sympathies for both families, but then most of your mail is pro Amit. If you claim sympathy for both families, you don’t use words like, “I don’t buy it” or “Deliberate Lies” in reference to what Rinku’s family wrote. It’s one thing to say that the truth might be somewhere in the middle. It’s another thing to blatantly call Rinku’s families stories as lies. How about using those words like ‘Deliberate Lies’ in reference to what Amit wrote in his self serving suicide note???

    Also, since Amit didn’t give Rinku a chance to defend herself, what’s wrong with Rinku’s family presenting her side of the story?

    And no, for your information, Amit didn’t commit two murders. He comitted ONE MURDER. Please keep that clear. Don’t try to confuse others by mixing up suicide and murder. One person willingly took his life. The other’s life was taken away from her by force. You don’t know the difference between those two???

    Also, you claim not to go by heresy. Here’s ONE TRUTH again if you don’t get it. Amit MURDERED Rinku. That’s not something I or Rinku’s family is making up. That’s a fact!

    Comment by Sudhir — April 16, 2008 @ 7:42 pm | Reply

  154. TM

    Though your questions don’t seem directed to me, I wanted to add a couple of comments to your blog, hope I am not overstepping, but I guess I did. I do agree with you that an extended communication with parents and professionals like marriage councilors can avoid such situations. However in this case:

    1. Amit being a loner or being an individual who believed in being incommunicado most of the time, had this personality trait already imbedded in his system before his marriage, i.e. of limited communication to no communication with his parents/ siblings/wife (as Amits sister pointed in her blog lamenting that he should have talked to her and he didn’t and his father mentioning that they had no clue of their marital issues, and mother making no statement at all though I know for a fact that he had more communication with her than anyone else, but that doesn’t mean that he told her stuff about his marriage thought they spoke almost every day- BUT I GUESS THAT CAN HAPPEN.

    2. Rinku did contact Amits sister/Amits Bro-In-Law to breakthrough to them on their issues, but no responses came back from them, was kinda strange, though Amits sister initially said she would come to meet them and then never responded or came to meet them after that. Looked like they had decided not to interfere, and again I could only infer that Mr Perfect (as he identified himself in counselor meetings) did not think he needed any help from them – BUT I GUESS THAT CAN HAPPEN.

    3. Rinku did seek help from me, her sister over a period of 6-7 months (AND WE ARE NOT HER FRIENDS) and her parents in the last month and a half before her death.

    4. It was Me and Saloni who recommended a marriage counselor to her and she went down that path. We had communication with her.

    5. However a counselor can only help if you want to get help and also if you utilize their services over a period of time and take their suggestions, like you mentioned. They cannot force it down your throat.

    6. When you say world will not buy a one sided story???? There are two sides to this story ONE THAT WAS A LETTER WRITTEN BY AMIT (and I wont hesitate to call him a Monster again) and one that we had to communicate as he did not leave Rinku in a position to state her side of things.

    So please explain to the community at large where you seem to be going with your comments. Looks like what you have suggested as the right way to resolve the issue was already being approached by Rinku. However to me it looks like Amit had all the answers in his mind and did not need any further deliberation to decide on the course of action he had to take to resolve his marital discord and that was MURDER. So excuse me for coming to a premature conclusion that he was a Culprit and a Monster.

    I guess where we should have gone with this was psychologists/psychiatrists – who would have been able to pin point if something was really wrong here with Mr Perfect as he had been DRIVEN (as you mention) to a breaking point.

    Comment by Ankush — April 16, 2008 @ 8:00 pm | Reply

  155. All – Dont Read this blog. This is all Lies.
    Fact is Rinku was not trust worthy to live with and Amit by killing Rinku has attained sainthood

    Comment by Suri — April 17, 2008 @ 12:12 am | Reply

  156. Suri

    Thanks for the enlightenment. Saint Amit must be quivering in his humble abode with the trust you have bestowed on him. May be Amit should have lived with you, as he deserved only your unequivocal trust. At least that would have spared Rinku of your saints ideas on Sanctity of Marriage.

    God Bless.

    Comment by Ankush — April 17, 2008 @ 12:39 am | Reply

  157. Ank,

    Everyone forgot about laptop ( In this zamana any loptop can be uncovered) because the secret would have come out, I wonder how much money would have been payed to cover this unholy affair.

    Comment by Suri — April 17, 2008 @ 1:14 am | Reply

  158. Suri

    Please don’t engage in this idiotic banter much longer, I’m stopping after this response to you. My suggestion, if you think money has been paid for the unholy affair, make it holy by baptizing the hands of the individuals you think have been greased in the first place, by spending some dough yourself. Don’t be such a cheapskate, you seem to be too itchy about this, so go fetch the person you think has been greased and scratch their back.

    So Long SU—R

    Comment by Ankush — April 17, 2008 @ 2:49 am | Reply

  159. Ankush, Kavita and family members of Rinku,

    Heartfelt prayers on the loss of a life so beautiful!!

    Others who are goin on and on about Amit and how he is a saint.. Just cut the crap!! It is bad enough for the family to have lost a loved one.. don’t make it worse for them having to defend her again and again..

    Ankush, you don’t need to do this really – these sick and dense brained idiots will never get it!!

    I’m from Mumbai too and I know just how open, free and cosmo our attitude towards life and people in general are.. If some sick minds contort it to being frivolous/ easy it is their loss..

    We keep wondering why some things happen and there just seems to be no plausible explanation, but the soul is immortal Ankush and wherever Rinku is, she will be at peace knowing that she has so many people down here who will stand by her memory till the last of their breaths!!

    God Bless

    Comment by Amruta — April 17, 2008 @ 2:51 am | Reply

  160. I have a few cousins, friends who are in marriages that are tough to live in.. At times, I feel like I can just listen but not help much.. It’s a helplessness that cannot be explained..

    I’m not in Bombay currently, but if there is anything at all that I can do to help you guys out, do not hesitate to get in touch!!

    Comment by Amruta — April 17, 2008 @ 2:56 am | Reply

  161. Contrary to all expectations,comments that have supported this heinous crime and a murder most foul have shocked and saddened me immensely. Despite a prolonged discussion where facts of the matter have been tabled clearly, yet there are some for who denigration is a choice they would rather exercise than embrace the pain of the families involved and add their energy to lessen the angst.

    Since I see this going nowhere, except a black aura getting energised or in fact a spiralling down into depths that only human minds can sink into, I am left with no option but to close comments on this forum.

    We are only a reflection of our thoughts. Our subtle vibrations manifest into our gross material/ physical reality. My request to all who would rather live by cynicism, suspicion, doubt and condemnation of others, is to forsake that negativity in their own interest. When we bring it on ourselves to punish another with our thoughts, words or deeds, we do the same to ourselves first.We plant seeds within,of anger and hatred which then fructify, in an ongoing process.

    This post was meant to serve as a healing, a closure for the troubled souls to help them proceed ahead on their spiritual journey. This sentiment should have been respected as the most paramount. I am sure all who are presently bitter will somehow find it in themselves to summon up emotions of love, compassion, oneness and project nothing but a prayer for the departed souls.

    Thank you.

    If anything needs to be conveyed to me on this matter, a feeling, a tribute, please feel free to write to me and if desired by you I will include it in the comments.

    Comment by kaveetaa kaul — April 17, 2008 @ 8:54 am | Reply


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