Just For Laughs

Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Bhola: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Bhola: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai and jumps into the well.
Bhola: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?

Mona Lisa Identity Revealed

Kaveetaa Kaul

What can safely be described as the mystery of the century, the identity of Leonardo Da Vincis La Gioconda, popularly known as Mona Lisa has finally been revealed. The “Lady of the Louvre’ with her beguiling smile has inspired not just romantics or social causerie for 500 years but captured the imagination world wide of those greatly intrigued by her identity as much as the reason behind that smile that virtually captivated the planet.

Some Humorous Sign Boards

*Advertisement In A Long Island Shop:

Guitar, for sale……. Cheap……. ….no strings attached

* Ad.. In Hospital Waiting Room:

Smoking Helps You Lose Weight … One Lung At A Time!

Shahrukh Khan Snubbed By BCCI

Loved him in the CDI look

Kaveetaa Kaul

The BCCI has once again proven that is the single most controversial non governmental body. This time it has outdone itself by embarking on a tomfoolery riot in a matter outside the periphery of cricket, into a sphere which is as much revered. The iconic Shahrukh Khan. Of the three that can whip up a fanatical frenzy for Indians, inexplicable and irrational, one is umm..sex, the other cricket and then SRK..not particularly in that order..Wonder what would occur if the three appeared combined, by an act of God…which adds on the ‘religion’ as the

Reminiscences

Gosh..this was nostalgic!! Bringing up children is the single most exasperating, vexing, maddening unpaid job in the Universe and also the most delightful!!..see for yourself why Moms need eyes at the back of their heads..

Some Mathematics!!

Disclaimer: I may claim to be a Numerology freak but..This is not my creation and neither is it my philosophy.Received this in my mailbox from one of ‘em totally corny types who oftentimes came up with fun..but this time it was ..well.. decide for yourself..Cynically brash..

I can Waak Engliss..I CanTaak Engliss..

Care for some “Child Bear”..hic?!!

For the benefit of those who’re scratching their chins in befuddlement ..non’Hindi speaking readers..Our friend in Bihar was soliciting ‘chilled beer ‘ enthusiasts

And …ummm.. the title ..think ‘Namak Halal’ and AB..and the cricket commentary depicting Vijay Hazaare..That brilliant scene written by Surendra Kaul ..AAhh..they dont make legends like these any more!!

Just For laughs

• The Smiths were dining out when his wife noticed a familiar face at the bar.
  “Honey,” she said as she pointed the guy out, “That guy at the bar has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago.”
  Her husband said, “That’s silly, no one celebrates that much!”
• Q: Why doesn’t law permit a man to marry a second woman?
  A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!
• “Will the father be present during the birth?” asked the obstetrician.
  “Nah,” replied the mother-to-be. “He and my husband don’t get along.”
• The owner of a company tells his employees:
  You worked very hard this year. The company’s profits increased dramatically. As a reward, I ‘ll give everyone a check for Rs 5000. If you work with the same zeal next year, I’ll sign those checks.
• A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drove his prize possession…even to the grocery store which was a few blocks from the house.
  After she insisted, he finally relented, cautioning her as she departed, “Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print your age!”
• A blonde was being admonished by the doctor: Until the penicillin cleans out ur infection, u r to have no relations whatsoever!
  Pausing for a moment, blonde replied: Ok, but what about friends & neighbors?
• Two old ladies were attending a rather long church service. One leaned over & whispered: My butt is going to sleep. ‘I know,’ replied the other, ‘I heard it snore three times.’

Just For laughs!

• Today is the International day of Smart & Attractive people. Send this to someone who fits the description! Don’t send it back; I’ve already received hundreds.

• The Japanese have produced a camera that has such a fast shutter speed it can take a picture of a woman with her mouth shut!

• When u feel lonely and alone & cannot see any one around you, the world seems to be fading away, come along with me I’ll take u to an eye specialist!

• Unlike others your brain is a masterpiece. In the left half, nothing is right and in the right half, nothing is left.

• Today, tommorow and yesterday there’ll be one heart that would always beat for you. You know Whose?
Your Own Stupid!

• Be careful when a guy tells u that he loves u from the bottom of his heart for this may mean that there is still enough space for another girl on top.

• Q: If a devil catches your wife, what would you do?
A: You can do nothing. if devil has committed a mistake let him face the consequences.

• What do u call a woman in heaven?
An Angel
A crowd of woman in heaven?
A host of Angels
And all woman in heaven?
PEACE ON EARTH!

My Maid and Mangoes

There are maids and there are maids..and then there is mine.

She is young and sweet. Lovely as well. Loving too. Rushes to get me a tissue as soon my early morning bout of a 97 sneezes is onto its third or so. What she cannot do however is make tea..Can you believe that ? Tea ..I have tried, to train her with measure cups and special milk. But like mom says..She just does not have it in her to make an “Aha” cuppa.

Mumbai-isms

Examples of typical Mumbai-isms

* Yeh mehengai bahut costly ho gaya hai aaj kal

*Aaj aapun ka bad luck hi kharaab hai

*Arrey uska room kya mast hai.. paanch bada bada kamra hai
(room is a synonym for an apartment, while kamra ofcourse is room)

*yeh aaj kal tension ka bahut magajmari hai

One encounters these and such like on a daily basis, but dare not smirk..

ekdum serious se sunne ka

Just for laughs

Life’s been pretty serious recently.

Time to lighten up a bit with these wisecracks

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If only women came with pull-down menus and on-line help.

The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any.

Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

Never make the same mistake twice… there are so many new ones to make!

If evolution was true, mothers would have more than two hands.

Enjoy yourself. These are the “good old days” you’re going to miss in the years ahead.

Many actresses won’t wear a dress that’s not original, but they’ll take a secondhand husband.

The best vitamin to be a happy person is B1

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

For the record..

“Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women

“Women represent the triumph of matter over mind, just as men represent the triumph of mind over morals

“Women always worry about the things that men forget; men always worry about the things women remember

“Sure God created man before woman, but then again you always make a rough draft before creating the final masterpiece

“Before marriage a man yearns for a woman. Afterward the y is silent.”

“A wise woman puts a grain of sugar into everything she says to a man, and takes a grain of salt with everything he says to her

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Hubbys reaction ‘Men are not always silent , but they know when to be’.

SSShhh…

Guide: I welcome u all to the Niagra falls. These are the world’s largest waterfalls & the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, sound of even 20 supersonic planes passing can’t b heard! Now may I request the ladies to keep quiet so that we can hear the Niagra Falls??

Hubbys reaction: EGGJACTLY!

Bird flew!!

Am reproducing the ad board at the local fish market at Pali hill:

BIRD FLEW.FOUNDERS WILL BE REWARD

Give it a thought. Some things in life need figuring out. Not just the philosophical.

Since I doubt the possibility of you coming close, let me give you a hand. You see, hubby and me finally had to enquire from the concerned individual. It had intrigued us so. Now read what it should have meant for us mere mortals:

“Bird Flu. Informers will be rewarded”.

Another gem from the same vidvaan

“when birds flew, fish sales”

Awww I know this time around it was easier

‘Bird flu, fish sell’.

On the repurcussions of ‘bird flu’. What is exasperating is the diverse and contradictory information. Birds in lakhs (nine, according to the deptt) have been culled. The farmers knew of the outbreak in January, but did not report of the deaths to the ministry or the Animal husbandry deptt. It would have instrumental in controlling the damage.Maneka Gandhi has her own take on it, involving the American govt in the propoganda.

We have been fish-eterians for a while and now more so. Eggs too are at present taboo. My German Shepherd Rusty, is in a foul mood though .He LOVES eggs. The whole family is coaxing him to accept Soya nuggets. But he takes one look at it, lets out a grunt and saunters off in the opposite direction, sulking.

Jokes apart!!

My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me.
Benjamin disraeli

one liner

After winning an argument with his wife, the wisest thing a husband can do is apologize…

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On reading the above, Hubby looked up from beneath his bi-focals perched precariously on his nose, and suggested the following changes in parenthesis, in all seriousness.

Read revised:

After winning an argument with his wife (in the rare event that he does and rarer that defeat is conceded), the wisest thing a husband can do is apologise..